Had I Then Had Any Pursuit

Part 1|Part 2|
Part 7 -- Edward begins his war...

Lord Benton lazily raised one elegantly clad foot to the stool slowly followed by the other. He sighed in contentment for this was the first evening in many weeks that he stood to spend inside his house away from the crowded rooms of the High Society in Town. And he was glad for the conversation was often dull if not unforgivably repetitious. Also the eligible daughters of this season were uncommonly plain and slow-witted; a miserable season he glumed in his chair. However he stood to gain a visitor who would change his mood into an immensely brighter shade. Ferrars had sent a small note requesting permission to visit him and the request amused Benton greatly. He had known Ferrars for two years now and he was the only friend Benton had who still 'requested' an audience with the young lord. Of course if anyone knew Ferrars this small foible was one of the endearing many that young man labored under.

Lord Benton was a man of huge fortune. His father conveniently passed away when he was three and twenty leaving him the lovely estate of Mellan near the border and a fortune's sum that can not be even hinted at. The general gossip was that the young man could be a total wastrel but would barely damage the estate. If this was his only good point it would have been good enough but the young man was also endowed with looks of a god. Having golden hair and dark eyes he stood a great figure and was an excellent shot. The gentleman could also dance, discuss minor and great things all with the same negligent ease that many sought to copy and none succeed. He was admired by everyone and invited to all the notable parties and dinners. His companionship was prized by other men but he was mean to give it and was known to shrug away friends with some cruelty. He was introduced to Edward Ferrars by the connection of the younger brother Robert. Benton thought Robert to be a perfect idiot and everything he disliked so when he heard the younger brother speaking ill of Edward Benton in amusement sought out the oldest of the Ferrars. And to his delight he found Edward to be indeed the exact opposite of not only Robert but the majority of the Society.

Edward Ferrars could disappear in a crowd of one. He would neither voice his opinions nor demonstrate his beliefs in a group of strangers. However when alone and in a trusting mood Edward was lively and measured his words with extreme thoughtfulness. He could neither be described as handsome nor distinguished but Lord Benton sketched him to his familars as an amiable young man, too shy for his own good but too kind for anyone to tell him so. Edward was the type of fellow who invariably took the corner chair and who always spoke well of people. A quiet sun that warmed everyone else in the room, his shyness covered only a delightful character of good intentions matched by good will. Edward would never expect anyone to return favors that he had performed and would go through some extraordinary lengths to comfort others. People would not talk of him in any length for the man was not fashionable but no one save his family thought ill of him.

The young gentleman was missed by Benton when he left London. Though Lord Benton would never admit to the lack of absence even to Ferrars the young man knew that should anything befall on Ferrars and cut his presence short on earth he would grieve in real sorrow. And now the gentleman has returned to London and will put some intelligence back into Lord Benton's life! He heard Thomas answer the door and smiled in real pleasure as Edward strolled in. Their friendship is considered one of the oddest matches in London but Ferrars' mother was extremely proud that such a man as Lord Benton would consider Edward a friend and encouraged Edward to develop this relationship. Edward as usual turned deaf to such embarassing requests but found Benton to be a good man if a little vain. However if vanity is all he could find Benton guilty of then the lord is very innocent in this London society.

Lord Benton immediately recognized the distress in Ferrars' eyes and the dark circles proclaiming deprived sleep. Edward sat down and began to struggle with what he wanted to say. Benton realizing the alarming nature of his friend's disposition gently began to probe and the response he received was indeed great.

Within the next hour Benton was treated to a great troubling story about Miss Lucy Steele, Miss Elinor Dashwood and another Miss something or other. Benton swayed from being amused to being troubled for his friend and the predicament that Ferrars' had found himself in. It was obvious to Benton that Edward was deeply in love with the impoverished Miss Dashwood. His whole voice and being proclaimed it to Benton yet the man was honor-bound to Lucy Steele. A woman who waited for four years to be called his wife! Neither will be accepted to his family with ease so Edward knew that he had a war on his hands. But that battle was nothing to compare to what was happening in his heart.

Lord Benton felt pity for Edward and told him should he have had a chance to find his one true love he would forget all and grasp that chance. But Ferrars was a man held high in his sense of duty and honor and this answer did not soothe him. After many hours the young man left Benton's home carrying the same burden with him. Benton stared at his friend's profile as Ferrars' carriage disappeared from his view. Poor fellow! He must do something to alleviate this problem of Ferrars. Lord Benton owed much to Ferrars for his sane and honest opinions and could not feel anything but injustice of it all for his friend. Damn that meddlng mother of his and her equally meddling children. Without much thought he began to plan his next few social outings with the exact goal of receiving much information regarding the ladies. Then perhaps he could make some judgment and help Ferrars get out of this miserable affair.

To his absolute vexation this was not accomplished with any ease. The Dashwood ladies were absolute mystery to the society and of course Miss Lucy Steele would never have been introduced to his level so again he floudered for lack of information. However he discovered more than enough regarding a certain Miss Morton that Mrs. Ferrars had sat her sights on for her oldest son. Miss Morton was a lady of large fortune and good breeding. She could be called pretty if one could tolerate her voice. However one had to be deaf to not cringe at her speaking and Lord Benton did not believe for a moment that Ferrars could stand to hear that woman speak to him for any length of time. He often dined with Edward and spoke of his discoveries though his friend never knew that Benton did all this with great purpose in aiding him. Weeks passed into months and Ferrars began to resemble some of his former self. And when he talked of Miss Dashwood he was positively joyful. This only encouraged the young lord to expand his efforts and one day thunderous news dropped onto his lap.

It seemed that certain Dashwood ladies of Barton Cottage accompanied a certain Mrs. Jennings to Town! And now they were residing in comfort and planning to spend the Season here. Benton fairly danced when he heard the news. Ferrars will be ecstatic! Then the next bit of gossip stunned Benton into silence. A Miss Lucy Steele was also in that particular group and in fact the lady stayed in Barton park for no less than two months. That was too much of a coincidence and Benton knew there was some cunning in planning that hideous achievement. How will he tell Ferrars?

He need not have fussed for Edward stormed into his house in total disarray for John his brother-in-law told everything. Benton would have thought the situation to be comical but he knew that this was a total nightmare for Ferrars and felt sympathy for his foolish friend. They agreed that Ferrars to drop out of society for a while and Benton to find the meaning behind this awful arrangement. He began to carry out his plans that evening as he attended a ball where all the ladies in question are to be presented. He circled the room until the Dashwood ladies were noted and without even much of a thought he whisked his host to be introduced. The ladies were indeed lovely though their gowns were somewhat plain for this society. The one called Marianne was indeed a striking girl but it was obvious she was distracted and even his great personage could not hold her attention. A little puzzled he turned his charms towards Miss Dashwood and also found someone of a disinterested party! Extraordinary! These sisters really did not care to ingratiate themselves into his company and he liked them for it. Miss Dashwood was as lovely and charming as Ferrars described her to be and Benton silently congratulated his friend on this excellent choice. He soon formed good opinions of the Dashwood ladies and everyone noted his preference for them that night. This was indeed a good beginning for the new girls and he made sure everyone of importance knew that he thought highly of the Dashwood feys from Barton. Having no desire to torture his ears with Miss Morton's whining he then sought out the company of Miss Lucy Steele. If the Dashwood ladies did not seek to ingratiate this one did for the all of the Jennings' party. The girl was too simple, too uneducated and somewhat coarse. She was pretty in a country way but her manners were not polished and she professed to know nothing of the Great Society over and over until his mind began to close all its good thoughts from her. And there was a character in there though he could not name clearly that bothered him greatly. The girl disturbed him and Benton did not like it.

He told of his meetings to Ferrars though he softened his opinion of Lucy Steele.

This was the set deal for the two men while Benton went to society to follow the Dashwoods to ensure of their safety and good time in London while Ferrars heard of their exploits in comfort and exclusion of all that he loved dear. However not even this pitiful happiness was meant to last and one hideous news followed another in February. Ferrars found out through Benton that Marianne Dashwood was in love with a certain gentleman from Combe Magna, a Mr. Willoughby. Benton quietly told Ferrars of this most rash young man whose gambling debts were high and whose bills were also running the gentleman to the ground. Ferrars was horrified at this attachment but was at a loss to prevent it. Then this scoundrel went and got engaged to a Miss Grey whose inheritance would secure Willoughby's financial future. Though there was some great and often talk of a wedding betweeen Miss Marianne Dashwood and Mr. Willoughby the gentleman coldly disavowed such connection and his now-fiance strove to quell what she deemed as a cruel and vicious talk.

Edward knew that Marianne would never give her heart in blindness and believed her side of the story. He disliked this Mr. Willoughby though he never clapped eyes on this gentleman and decided to rouse himself from his own shame and finally visit the Dashwood sisters. However Benton was not yet done with his bad tidings. He was having dinner and was by chance sitting next to one John Dashwood, Ferrars' brother-in-law and the gentleman told quite liberally of a certain attachment forming between Miss Dashwood and a Colonel Brandon. Ferrars could not rise himself out of the seat and his head fell between his hands. Benton dreaded telling him this piece of news above all for he came to realize Edward really did love this lady. And Ferrars' reaction was what he feared most. Edward sat there knowing that one day this misery would come. He knew that when she came to town it would have been matter of days, hours perhaps before a certain deserving man would discover Edward's treasure of Barton Park. And would claim her for his own. The pain he dreaded feeling was nothing compared to what he suffered now and even Benton could not approach him.

"My good friend Benton. Do me this one favor. Please seek out this Colonel's character and find the truth about this man. I cannot bear to see Elinor be with a man who does't deserve her regard." His voice was close to tears.

"I already did Ferrars. His reputation is spotless and everyone who can claim his friendship think most highly of him. He has good income and his military rank was earned not bought so the man is definitely a strong character. The only ugly bit of gossip I hear about him is the fact that he might, and that is very questionable, have a natural daughter hidden somewhere. But that was never substantiated and I made a point of meeting him. He seems the decent sort to me." Ferrars nodded his thank you and tried to leave but Benton would have none of it. He practically dragged him to his club in the quiet St. James Quarter and they supped together. Benton did not want to leave his friend and was determined to invite Ferrars to stay with him at his place. They heard a raucous laughter from the card room and Benton determined to draw Ferrars' mind elsewhere escorted his friend to the tables.

"Willoughby, your luck has greatly improved since your announcement to Miss Grey!" One of the young rascals at the table commented to his partner. Ferrars raised his shocked eyes to the man who was responsible for Marianne's misery. Benton felt himself move in great dislike when he finally saw this villain and regretted bringing Ferrars into this mess. Willoughby's partner saw Lord Benton and gave a cheerful greeting. Then to Benton's great dismay he brought Willoughby over to introduce him! Willoughby smiled and bowed to the handsome lord and his companion though he did not know the pale fellow next to Lord Benton. Edward Ferrars stared at Willoughby and refused to greet him. Benton was shocked at his friend's manners but not as much as the rest of the men in the tables. The place hushed as they witnessed this social damning from Edward Ferrars, a gentleman who never shunned any person.

Willoughby could not believe what was happening as this insolent gentleman refused to speak to him though he stared at John with some passion. Ferrars' jaws were clenched and his hands rested at his sides refusing to shake or give notice of his person. It was most extraordinary sight ever witnessed in the club and the embarassment grew bigger by the moment. Ferrars then turned to Lord Benton and said "I shall wait for you in the carriage." Then turned his back to Willoughby! The insulted youth could take it no longer and demanded an explanation and an apology.

"You shall have no satisfaction from me sir. I give you no recognition for your person deserves none. Your hideous manners and character forces me to perform this unpleasant deed in public so do not expect me to explain what is obviously plain to others. Mainly your lack of character and understanding of honor!"

"How dare you! Whatever you hold against me cannot excuse this behavior. I do demand an apology or will have it from you by any means at my disposal." "Then I suggest you take one." The whole room gasped at this proclamation from the gentle Ferrars. Edward did not blink and he did not sway. His stance was firm and he was determined to hold his ground. His feelings for Elinor demanded it, his admiration of Mrs. Dashwood asked for it and Marianne's poor broken heart begged for it.

Willoughby saw the unbending anger in Ferrars and could not continue this argument and the others in the room witnessed Ferrars' final dismissal of Willoughby when he left the room. Benton decided to support his friend and also left the club without saying adieu to the insulted party. Afterwards every gentleman was abuzz with this outburst and should it not have been Ferrars' spotless reputation Edward would have been ruined permanently. However people knew this young man's good points and believed that Willoughby had committed some unforgivable act against Edward Ferrars to have roused such vicious anger from a man who by all reports was the gentlest in their circle.

Benton stared at his friend as they rode back to his place. he saw Ferrars' anger and rejoiced in it. Good, Ferrars is out of that depressed mood now and ready to do battle. And Benton could not wait to see where else his friend's elusive fighting spirit would raise its fists.

Part 8 -- Confronting mother

Edward was indeed glad he moved in with Lord Benton after his violent confrontation with Willoughby. He woke the next day expecting to feel ashamed of his behavior the night before but instead felt refreshed and a bit more cheerful. Confused but grateful for this turn of emotion Edward removed himself from his mother's place that afternoon with much consent of Mrs. Ferrars.

Now he stood in the parlor confronting his whole family. Fanny was with Mother and the two whispered like the conspirators that they were. Robert sat on the corner with delighted smile painted on his wretched face. Only John Dashwood looked solemn regarding this whole miserable affair and Edward felt a pang of guilt in injuring John. After this is all finished he will be receiving much of Fanny's wrath and diatribe.

"Edward my son. I hear the most hideous news of a secret engagement between you and this silly chit named Lucy Steele. Tell me this is not true." She began with the tenderest tone of a mother wanting nothing but comfort from her loving son.

He wished for a minute that this was true. That she was a loving mother and he a faithful son. But that would be a delusion too far from the truth and he replied with a hard voice.

"No mother I am engaged to Lucy Steele and had been for last four years."

The ladies gasped and moaned in unison like a Greek Chorus and Robert could not hold his chuckles. "Of course the girl lured you into this unwanted connection and you in all sensibility wish this thing to be broken. And we will use our utmost power to make it so my dear Edward. For what is Miss Steele when Miss Morton is..." "She is my finace and my bride-to-be mother." He interrupted and was gratified to see that steel in his mother's eyes flash. Good. This is the way it should be.

"Do not interrupt me Edward. This is my home and you have no right to commit this treacherous act upon us. How dare you do this behind my back? To shame us with such low connections by engaging yourself to that country maid?" Her voice held the viperous ring that he became familiar with. "I will marry no other mother. She kept faith with me for four years while I tried to welcome her into this family. It is not her fault that I have failed in making her look well in your eyes. And I will marry her mother and no other."

"Do not force me to play my hand my son. You will find yourself a poorer man for such a stupid act. I will never condone such an engagement and you will break it. That is the final decision of this family." She tried to end the discussion and even turned her back to him to make a great showing of it.

"No mother it's not the end. I will marry Lucy Steele by the end of this month if not the next. I am planning to visit either Oxford or Longstaple with Lucy after we quit London and plan our wedding there." He saw her mother's cheek grow taut with anger and fear. She slowly turned her head to face him again and he was surprised to see the visage almost aged 10 years from the minute before. And the old face indeed was not pleasant.

"Do this Edward and I will cut your inheritance whole. Save for your two thousand you will not see a farthing from me. And should you endeavor in a profession after your wedding to that chit I will make it my affair to see you ruined! D you understand Edward for I do not like traitors, especially one of my own blood. Marry Miss Morton and I will give you Norfolk which will clear you at least a thousand or even twelve hundred! Edward I will ensure your successes and everything afterwards will come easy for you! Please listen to your mother! I beg you for honor, duty and for your family! We must mean at least that much sacrifice..." Her voice finally showed some genuine anguish and he did feel her fear.

But then he remembered Elinor and realized he never forgot that sweet person even in this mess. What would she say if he turned Lucy out from their engagement? Elinor would surely feel herself fooled regarding her faith in him as a friend deserving her attentions. She would revile in him and think him no better than Willoughby! He closed his eyes as he thought of Marianne. He saw her on Harley Street one day and was shocked at her transformation. There was a lovely girl whose only sin was caring for a man who proved himself so unworthy of her regard! And she was the one who paid for Willoughby's sins. Her face pale, her demeanor even paler and her sweet voice was reduced to whispers. He could barely watch her go through the undesired actions of shopping knowing that every movement was painful for her. Edward was staring at the ground before him, his face thoughtful and his eyes darker than his thoughts. The family stared at him never seeing Edward in this mood. And it honestly brought fear to their hearts. They never met him so stubborn and unbending to what seemed to be a reasonable request!

He raised his head and his mother knew she lost the war. "And shall I abandon Lucy mother to be the ridicule of the season? So you, Fanny and Robert can mock and make ridicule of her to your friends and acquaintances? So she would be forced to become a victim to all the cruelties that this miserable society is so capable of inflicting? That she attend a social gathering and hear her name whispered followed by those cruel titters? Do you really believe I would punish that girl in such a horrible manner for the sole sin of loving me and keeping faith with me for four years? Do you believe for a moment that I want to see her pale and wasted with tears in her eyes and hate in her heart because she loved a coward? And for her to lose faith in things more valuable than that because I was foolish enough to bend my head to your directive? You demand, she never even asked. You ordered and she only wondered. You dare raise your voice at me to commit an act of such low value while she only wanted to be my wife! I will never marry Miss Morton and only Miss Lucy Steele will be my wife because I will have no other!"

He felt his heart cringe at that obvious lie. His wedding and marriage will be a sham even for him no matter who he took as his bride because only Elinor will make it real. However he will not make Lucy suffer for his foolishness and he was determined to make them realize this. He will not commit that act which he shamed Willoughby in public for. He will hold onto that shred of dignity which his mother did not destroy or try to control.

"Then you are no longer my son Edward Ferrars. I turn you away from myself, from your family and the Ferrars name. Leave me now and I never want to see you again! Know this, when you walk out that door from me and fulfill your stupid promise to that girl you will be eternally alone. I damn you Edward Ferrars."

"You have already damned me mother. You made me your son."

She turned pale and gave a large gasp at this last retort from her oldest. She really did believe that she could frighten him into obeying him but he was beyond fear and her control. Fanny began to shed real tears for she realized her brother was truly leaving them and even Robert felt a pang of absence in his heart.

Edward felt sadness but the feeling of freedom was greater and he left without turning to look back at that tragic tableau. He entered into Benton's carriage and was driven to his friend's house. Benton greeted him warmly and with great gentleness for he alone knew what feat of courage and strength it took for Edward to turn away from his family in such a manner as he did that day. He and Benton agreed that Lucy should be told very soon of his decision and what had passed between Edward and his family. After this Edward will lodge in Oxford but for now he would move into -Pall Mall, one of Benton's numerous lodgings in London so his mother could not interfere with his wedding in any manner.

A letter was sent and he and Lucy met in secret. She shed much tears and needed great comfort from him but he believed that she was indeed happy that their engagement was no longer a secret and grateful for all he had sacrificed on her behalf. The two met frequently and Edward did indeed believe that he did the correct thing not only for Lucy but also for his conscience. Only Benton witnessed his quiet thinking of the other lady when Edward thought himself safe from any scrutiny. Benton could not help but admire his now impoverished friend and was determined to see that the gentleman be comforted in some manner.

One afternoon Edward finally realizing that he would never inhabit the same circle of friends as the Dashwoods decided to meet with them for the last time and leave a farewell card. When he turned the corner of the street however he faced a very surprised Mrs. Jennings.

"Oh dear Mr. Ferrars! How are you? We were so worried about your state since we heard about your thing with your family. I personally think you are the most perfect gentleman for standing with dear Lucy! She is my cousin you know and I could not bear to see that dear little girl hurt in any manner. Especially after witnessing Marianne's heartbreak. Oh dear, I should not have mentioned that should I? I have a bit of news for you, Miss Dashwood wanted to see you about a certain matter and was actually writing to you when I left her. She is still in the house and I think you should go to her immediately! I must go now but please come by as often as you wish and maybe I can help you in some way!" She left with the same speed of her speech and Edward felt lost for a full minute. He entered into the house and was led to the parlor where Elinor was still pondering her letter to him. She blushed profusely when she saw him and both felt the uncomfortable situation between themselves to its full extent.

Part 9 -- Edward confronts the Colonel...

Both were acutely embarrassed by the situation they found themselves in. Neither wanted to discuss what had happened between Edward and Miss Lucy Steele but that was the only topic they could talk in good conscience. Elinor invited Edward to sit and informed him of the Colonel’s great generosity with the courage she did not feel but strove to rise within her character.

“Colonel Brandon, who was here only ten minutes ago, has desired me to say, that, understanding you men to take orders, he has great pleasure in offering you the living in Delaford, now just vacant, and only wishes it were more valuable. Allow me to congratulate you on having so respectable and well-judging a friend, and to join in his wish that the living-it is about two hundred a year-were much more considerable, and such as might better enable you to-as might be more than a temporary accommodation to yourself-such, in short, as might establish all your view of happiness.” Elinor said this with all her kindness and no small courage for she realized that this offering would indeed place her beloved out of her reach. But she only felt the injustice raining upon Edward’s person and offered with a peaceful heart to soothe his person.

Edward was shocked. An offer of living from Colonel Brandon? Why would a stranger offer him a comfort such as this? All that he could mutter is the name of his benefactor, “Colonel Brandon!”

“The unkindness of your own relations has made you astonished to find friendship anywhere.” There she said it. Voiced her opinion of the unworthy treatment of his family! She could be at least given that much freedom to express what she really felt. G-d couldn’t hold this bit of outburst against her person when she suffered so much in silence. Edward felt himself cringe at that bit of truth but realized that the speaker only meant well. “No. Not to find it in you; for I cannot be ignorant that to you, to your goodness, I owe it all. I feel it-I would express it if I could-but, as you well know, I am no orator.” The misery of that statement reflected his deep unhappiness. He could neither thank the lady properly for her obvious efforts in achieving this bit of happiness for him nor express his love for her.

Why would this colonel give him, a stranger a living upon his estate? It must be his regard towards Elinor that moved him to perform this unscheduled act of generosity! What other plausible reason was there that a gentleman would offer a place in Delaford to a youth whose only attribute was that his family disowned him! Edward could no longer stay with Elinor and made a hasty excuse to extricate himself from that room. Almost running out of the house he could barely take a breath of air as he settled his mind to visit this Colonel Brandon himself to thank the gentleman for his kind offer and finally to see this man himself.

He called upon –St. James Street and was dismayed to find the gentleman at home and eager to see him. He was led to the study and noted many things about the house. It was handsome, nicely decorated with many elegant pieces but there was no light! The curtains were all drawn to truly keep outside in its place. The furniture though expensive indicated no comfort to its owner. Edward believed that the Colonel bought and decorated this place to his own needs and saved no thoughts for others. He could not know that Colonel Brandon didn’t even bother to think of his own needs when he purchased this house or its furnishings. The two men finally faced each other in the library both very curious and yet wary of each other’s presence in the Dashwood ladies’ lives.

Edward saw a gentleman who indeed had the air of a man who succeeded in the world through his own means. The military air spoke of a man with strong character and self-control. Here was a man who will give Elinor everything she deserves! A good home, financial security and unerring love thought Edward. Here was a gentleman who could not commit such follies as he did because this man always had an achievement and greatness to win. Edward heard of this man’s military exploits and admired the stories. However he could not admire the man who will in time succeed and steal Elinor from Barton Cottage. That was too much even for him to bend under and acknowledge. In every facet this man was his superior. What Edward would have given to be a Colonel Brandon! He felt tears form behind his eyes and had to blink twice to drown them elsewhere.

Colonel Brandon stared at the youth that wasn’t much older than he was when his Eliza consented to elope with him. But this Edward Ferrars will always be stronger and greater than Brandon could ever be. This boy had done what he failed to do so many years ago. He stood against his family, his society and earned their unending condemnation because he truly loved his lady. How Brandon failed there! And the result of his cowardice was Eliza’s miserable marriage and even more miserable death and for him – to live in this tombed existence. But this youth saw all this damnation ahead of him and swerved to miss a life of thin success and deep failures. He had truly sacrificed all for his heart and now he stood in front of Brandon for some generosity so absent from his own family. Colonel Brandon felt his very soul move in regret and jealousy. What he would give to be Edward Ferrars and to redo his past errors! To have Eliza living again and to have avoided all this pain he lived with for over ten years. Tears did form behind his eyes as it did with Edward but like the younger man he placed them elsewhere.

Both of the men were more in common than they could have realized. Both were of quiet taste but good refinement. And both were madly in love with the Dashwood sisters believing that neither will ever receive the same regard from the ladies. And their callous families and cruel fate made victims of them both. Should one have had the courage to voice his own opinion and converse in honesty they would have realized their similarities and would have found each other as good friends. But neither could for years of abuse and miserable fate silenced their tongues and their wishes. So the conversation was stiff and very formal though the generosity from the Colonel was genuine as was the gratitude from Edward.

Both left each other’s presence more puzzled than ever and thought each other an enigma upon the lives of the Dashwood ladies. Edward talked to Benton and arranged to stay in Oxford while Benton kept him informed of all the happenings in town. He needed this time to clear his thoughts and Benton promised him that he will receive a note from him everyday regarding the Dashwood ladies, Miss Steele and his family. Only after such a guarantee could Edward retire for the day. Benton stared at Ferrars and once again felt the sadness and the admiration for his friend. Good Edward! Here was a man the young lord could truly admire! Many people speak of their own courage and worth but few could ever prove it when the time came and here was the quietest soul who had no faith in himself yet when the need arose Edward did not flinch to do the just thing! Where in all of London would he find such a man as Edward Ferrars?

Part 10

"His treatment of his family was unforgivable. Fanny is confined to her house and mother is in tears nearly everyday for his treatment of her welfare. I am here out of duty and care for my family more than my personal wish but I must bring some news regarding Edward. Miss Steele was more than gracious in accepting my visit but she parted no information. Please Lord Benton can you bring our minds to rest regarding Edward? Where can he be? Is it true that he is somewhere in Oxford?"

Lord Benton at that moment wished for Robert's abrupt departure from his house but refrained from removing the man from his favorite chair. This pompous fool must be endured so that Lord Benton can impart fresh information to his friend. Suddenly he realized what Robert just mentioned. "You have visited Miss Steele then?"

"Yes, the silly girl refuses to give up her claims upon my brother. She declares her love for him in the most coarse manner possible. But I have an offer of invitation from her to speak to her again though I cannot see what can be accomplished from a second visit." His voice reflected the annoyance of his first encounter with Lucy Steele. "She is a simple country girl with no breeding and no family to recommend her! How can my brother..."

"Mr. Ferrars, please realize that Edward did not see Miss Steele under these fashionable and sophisticated circumstances. But in a simple country cottage surrounded by wild gardens. You are aware of your brother's love for simplicity and in that manner he has achieved his desire. She is no great beauty but I must admit that she has that fresh country look that has its own merits. And the fact that she is so simple and kind must be very comforting to Edward. Certainly there can be no deceitful nature within so simple a soul!" Benton was lying to his grave but he was willing to commit more foul a sin should he at the end accomplish his goal.

In a knowing wink he realized what Miss Steele was trying to accomplish with Robert. She never loved Edward, only his fortune and status. Now that is all but gone and this younger fop was to inherit everything. Would it not be grand if this fool also inherited the bride? He saw that amused and astonished look on Robert's face when he mentioned the imaginary merits of Miss Lucy Steele but was determined to make the man visit this cunning lady again. Benton knew without doubt that she will be more than convincing for yet another visit and another.

"She is I will admit to not my taste but her unconditional love is something sweet and unregulated. If Edward was to live in poverty then I cannot have chosen a better bride for him. She will be happy with the smallest care and the least number of praises. And her obvious respect for your person can only speak well of her. Don't you believe so?" His question was aimed to bring a certain response and Robert complied magnificently. The meeting ended with Robert talking which he liked best and Benton listening assiduously. After the brother's departure Benton felt like dancing for he knew for certain what the outcome would be. Depend on the vanity and greed of man!

Benton could not know how successful he or Miss Steele was in ensnaring the younger brother so he kept silent of his dealings regarding Robert and Lucy Steele. Edward continued to receive letters from both his friend and his fiance regarding their time in London and thought nothing amiss. One afternoon he received what he believed to be the usual love note from Lucy and opened it.

"Dear Sir,

Being very sure I have long lost your affections, I have thought myself at liberty to bestow my own on another, and have no doubt of being as happy with him as I once used to think I might be with you; but I scorn to accept a hand while the heart was another's. Sincerely wish you happy in your choice, and it shall not be my fault if we are not always good friends, as our near relationship now makes proper. I can safely say I owe you no ill-will, and am sure you will be too generous to do us any ill offices. Your brother has gained my affection entirely, and as we could not live without one another, we are just returned from the altar, and are now on our way to Dawlish for a few weeks, which place your dear brother has great curiosity to see, but thought I would first trouble you with these few lines, and shall always remain-Your sincere well-wisher, friend and sister.

Lucy Ferrars

I have burnt all your letters, and will return your picture the first opportunity. Please to destroy scrawls;but the ring, with my hair, you are welcome to keep."

Edward was aghast at the words. Lucy knew about Elinor? How long did the girl know of his feelings for Miss Dashwood? And what had she done on that knowledge? He could not stand and had to sit down to digest the cruel and wanton note he received from his supposed lover. Once again he perused the letter and saw the callous and ill-natured words. She cared not what her betrayal would do to me. She did not once conceive any worry for his person because she could not possibly expand herself to perform that mean task. He realized that his very limbs were shaking in this enlightment upon Lucy's character. She played me a fool, a false and shallow girl took me and made me abandon my one hope of Elinor. Elinor, dear L-rd that girl was with the Dashwoods for two months even before London! What maliciousness did she spread there? What lies and contemptible rumors did she begin about my person to have the Dashwoods look at me with nothing but disdain and contempt!

He indeed now felt abandoned by all and sat in that room nursing his wounded pride along with his broken heart. Then he remembered Elinor's behavior towards him before he left for Oxford. Was there contempt in her voice? Or even dislike hidden under layers of politeness? No, he detected none and he was sensitive enough to Miss Dashwood to immediately hear a change upon her voice and note it to his memory. There was nothing there but warmth, kindness and even pity. In fact even Marianne treated him with more than her usual warmth. They must have known what kind of person Lucy was and kept silent to preserve his dignity. They did not laugh at him for his poor choice but commiserated with him in their silence. They pitied him and tried to ease his life with Lucy instead. It was humbling for this man to know that he had such friends care for him in so dedicated a manner. But now as a trapped bird for the first time realizing its power of flight what was he to do? Unfettered by his family and their miserable plotting; freed from Lucy's greedy talons Edward felt himself swell in that little room 'til he felt he could no longer stand to be indoors.

Suddenly there was another knock on his door and Edward opened it to receive another post. It was from Benton.

"Edward,

I just heard the gravest news my friend. In spite of all my diligence Miss Steele has run off and married your brother. I cannot say I congratulate the girl on her stupid choice but your family or what's left of it is in an uproar. Your mother of course promptly disowned Robert and now Fanny is truly confined to her house. Both women are damning Lucy to the heavens and John is about to go out of his mind. I would give you my sincerest apologies for failing to protect your fiance but in good conscience I cannot lie. If that girl is as vicious as I think she is (for her actions regarding Robert) I am convinced that she is not deserving of you.

Another interesting matter regarding Miss Dashwood and Colonel Brandon. I heard from a very reliable source that Colonel Brandon last winter marched to Willoughby's house and demanded a duel! No one died and the matter was settled quietly so nothing was spoken but it seems that the reason or the lady involved in the matter was Marianne Dashwood. I was shocked to hear this and inquired a bit further and discovered that the Colonel's preference sways towards the younger sister and not the older. In fact it is a quietly known fact that the man is absolutely besotted with the pretty thing and was quite unhappy while he was in London. I think the man is very foolish to like a girl half his age but that is the course of love I suppose.

Again my sincerest regrets and apologies.

Humbly your friend,
Francis Benton"

Edward nearly laughed for he could hear his friend's sarcastic voice through the letter. He felt no regrets regarding Lucy and Edward knew it. His friend probably saw through that masquerade like the Dashwoods. How stupid Edward felt! Did everyone know of Lucy's true character except him? And he was engaged to the lady for four years. How foolish he must have looked to Benton with his moaning and anguishing regarding Lucy's feelings. He also realized the true reason that Benton sent the letter. Bless his good friend for this bit of news. So it wasn't Elinor that the Colonel pined for, but Marianne. And the young gentleman did indeed feel pity for the Colonel because he himself knew what that pain of wanting felt upon one's heart.

What can he do now except return to London and soothe his mother? Even she did not deserve to lose two sons within few weeks and must be tormenting herself not to mention others around her. Resolved to return to her side immediately he began packing his few belongings. Then without real reason of action he opened his leather case and stared at the now worn portrait of Elinor. Where can he fit in her life now? Perhaps they could be as they were in Norland his heart whispered but it no longer satisfied his hopes. I am free he thought, I am also very poor and have no profession to recommend me but I am free! If I can grasp this very real fact then I can grasp at anything.

She will refuse you! His pride argued against his person. What do you have that can possibly offer in value? Stop this nonsense and go back to London.

I will hate it his heart rallied. I will hate every moment away from Elinor and I will despise my family even more for stealing my time away from Elinor. This is ridiculous he thought for I don't deserve her or her family's hospitality but it did not prevent him from planning an immediate trip to Barton. Perhaps after two weeks in London he could escape and visit the Dashwoods. His heart cried out at the injustice of this plan. Two weeks? Two weeks where you can be at Barton Cottage and visiting Elinor?

They will only pity you like some lost pup his pride ripped into him.

It doesn't matter for I am free and I can make mistakes on my own. If she refuses me after hearing my plea I will know that she has no love for me but should I succeed I will be the happiest man in England.

You will fail. His pride continued to argue though with a weaker voice.

Then the failure is my own and I can blame no other for its birth. I can bear this pain for I have suffered under so many. But should she say yes and regard me with third of care that I feel for her then I am saved. I will speak my soul bare and see if she can forgive so many of my follies and weaknesses. She had cared and protected me as a friend and should I earn her love then I am the richest of men. My place is by her side he violently thought. It is not to London nor to my family's side that I must go, it is to Barton Cottage! And for the first time as a free man Edward began to take flight.

Part 11 - Seeking Elinor...

His ride to Barton could not have been as short as he wished and for the first time his impatience was also mixed with glee. It did not bother him that the lady might reject his offer of marriage but the simple fact that he was at last able to make such an offer of his heart consumed his mind. He rested for few minutes in the village before setting out to Barton Cottage and only when the lovely place came to view did his old fears return. And they did indeed play havoc with his mind. How will he explain his current situation and not look a fool? And then how in heavens will he convince Elinor to accept him when he just left such an imprudent match? Knowing that if he continued to delve into his fears he will turn and abandon his efforts he urged his horse to continue the path towards Barton Cottage.

Without much fluorish he was introduced to the ladies and was dismayed at the subdued nature he found them in. Even Margaret chose to sit in a chair far away from him and remained quiet. Marianne Dashwood positively disappeared into the other corner of the room looking to want to dash out of his sight. Only Mrs. Dashwood received him with her usual warmth trying to ease the now-pale Edward into a light conversation. Which Elinor began with the dry weather that was currently blowing in Barton and the surrounding county. Edward did not know what to make of such shallow conversation especially from someone like Elinor so she was forced to carry much of it by herself. Mrs. Dashwood mercifully interrupted the bizarre talk by asking about his mother and he replied that she was indeed well. A lie of course but he was too troubled to care.

"Is Mrs. Ferrars at Longstaple?"

"At Longstaple! No, my mother is in town." Why in heavens would they think his mother was at Longstaple?

"I meant to inquire for Mrs. EDWARD Ferrars." Elinor asked her voice visibly upset. He stared at her then all the ladies in the room in absolute shock. Mrs. Edward Ferrars? When was he married? No, that's silly he wasn't married! Suddenly he realized that they had been misinformed as to the husband of his fickle fiance and quickly corrected the mistake. "Perhaps you mean--my brother--you mean Mrs.--Mrs. ROBERT Ferrars."

"Mrs. Robert Ferrars!" Both Marianne Dashwood and Mrs. Dashwood cried out in undisguised wonder. He heard Margaret pop from her chair and she ran around to stare at his face. Her eyes were huge on her face and even Marianne mimicked her movements. Edward did indeed feel something went amiss here and continued now in a most hurried tone while walking around the room.

"Perhaps you do not know--you may not have heard that my brother is lately married to--to the youngest--to Miss Lucy Steele."

"Miss Lucy Steele!" Now the chorus was indeed in unison but Elinor to his great annoyance kept her head down concentrating on some needlework. "Yes,they were married last week,and are now at Dawlish."

Suddenly Elinor's heart could no longer obey her style. She escaped from the room in a most hurried manner and she locked herself in the west parlor to cry her heart dry. He was confused as to what to do next and numbly walked out of the cottage followed by Elinor's sobs. He managed to walk himself into a state of grace and within the hour returned to Barton and found the ladies in a much improved mood. Mrs. Dashwood using the predetermined signal emptied the parlor of all its inhabitants save Elinor and Edward and the two were free to talk of what gravity or nonsense as they wished.

She did gaze at him with such tenderness that even Edward began to realize that she might hold some regard for him. Not questioning why and to what actions he deserved this lady's love he quietly began.

"I wish I knew what to say to erase all the vexations that I think you suffered on my behalf. But knowing that it was my folly that caused you so much pain I can only beg for your forgiveness. I can condemn no one else save myself for my blindness regarding Lucy. And I can condemn no one else save myself if I had lost what affection you might have held for me. But I come here a humble man made humbler by what you have given in spite of my foolishness and lack of character. You were the one true friend through all of this and kept me safe from even worser evils all the while thinking nothing of yourself and everything of me. I loved you in Norland and I do still. My heart was never Lucy's for until I met you it did not care to come into life. This is neither some fancy talk nor a desperate attempt at winning you but the glorious truth. And though it pains me to think that I will never have you as my wife know that I walk this earth as a man because you came into my world. And every day I shall thank the heavens that my foolish sister married your brother. If there is one thing that Fanny did right by me it is that. And for that one single act I forgive all her transgressions." She looked calm he thought, so serene sitting there her face raised to him and her brow no longer marred by her frustrations and tears. There Edward realized that he indeed had a bride and not just a friend. Tears came unwillingly then but he continued in the same serenity that Elinor felt.

"Once in Norland you returned from the garden making presents of flowers to everyone but myself and though I believed I deserved no such token I bled in disappointment Elinor. It wounded me deeply that you care not to save one primrose for me. If such a slight action hurt me so deeply Elinor then imagine what would happen to me should you reject my suit. Let me pay your kindness as a husband and there will never be a day when you do not realize this. Let me stay by your side and face this world's follies and wonders together. I am one of those that can improve upon acquaintance though you might think that impossible and I will never fail you again as I once did. Marry me Elinor."

"I will." Elinor simply answered and with those two words Edward was in that moment the happiest man in all of England. The two sat there facing each other saying nothing and in perfect contentment after so much anguish and harsh times that silence was indeed the best thing for both.

Mrs. Dashwood came out of the kitchen and to her shock saw her two daughters listening in the conversation through the keyhole. Trying not to shout her disapproval she rushed down the hallway making the least noise possible. Then Marianne as if to hear her mother descending upon her raised her face. Mrs. Dashwood came to an abrupt halt half-way in the hall as she saw her daughter's tear-driven face. But it was filled with delight and happiness and when the youngest also raised her face the evidence was plain. The mother had to hold a hand against the wall to support herself. Her oldest finally found the happiness with a man she truly loved. This lady was indeed a rare breed for she cared not for money nor social standing; her daughter was happy and she in turn was absolutely contented. She gave a slow nod to her beloved eavedroppers and returned to the kitchen promptly making a mess of supper.

Marianne stood there in awe of the confession she heard from Edward. How wrong she was to think him so plain! For whence a person has a good and kind heart the offering of love is as magnificent and great as any preserved in books. His words moved her like nothing she has ever read and she soared above her own memories for Elinor and shared in silence her sister's complete happiness.

As the hours progressed Edward decided to explain the nature of his relationship with Lucy. It was only just that the Dashwood family knew of this mess and exorcise this curse from their minds.

"It was a foolish, idle inclination on my side. The consequence of ignorance of the world--and want of employment. Had my mother given me some active profession when I was removed at eighteen from the care of Mr. Pratt, I thinknk--nay, I am sure,it would never have happened; for though I left Longstaple with what I thought, at the time, a most unconquerable preference for his niece, yet had I then had any pursuit, any object to engage my time and keep me at a distance from her for a few months, I should very soon have outgrown the fancied attachment, especially by mixing more with the world, as in such case I must have done.But instead of having any thing to do, instead of having any profession chosen for me, or being allowed to choose any myself, I returned home to be completely idle; and for the first twelvemonth afterwards I had not even the nominal employment, which belonging to the university would have given me; for I was not entered at Oxford till I was nineteen. I had therefore nothing in the world to do, but to fancy myself in love; and as my mother did not make my home in every respect comfortable, as I had no friend, no companion in my brother, and disliked new acquaintance, it was not unnatural for me to be very often at Longstaple, where I always felt myself at home, and was always sure of a welcome; and accordingly I spent the greatest part of my time there from eighteen to nineteen: Lucy appeared everything that was amiable and obliging. She was pretty too--at least I thought so THEN; and I had seen so little of other women, that I could make no comparisons, and see no defects. Considering everything, therefore, I hope, foolish as our engagement was, foolish as it has since in every way been proved, it was not at the time an unnatural or an inexcusable piece of folly." The explanation though clumsy and not well-planned did indeed clear the Dashwood ladies of any worry they might have harbored about the other lady.

Mrs. Dashwood invited him to stay at least a week and Edward happily obliged sending for his things in the village. The next morning saw Barton Cottage bright as a newly bloomed flower and every person in the house felt a great degree of happiness.

Later on Elinor brought up the subject of his family regarding Robert's latest betrayal and the subject was discussed and dismissed by both lovers. However she did tease him of his actions towards her during their time in Norland.

"Your behaviour was certainly very wrong because--to say nothing of my own conviction, our relations were all led away by it to fancy and expect WHAT, as you were THEN situated, could never be."

"I was simple enough to think, that because my FAITH was plighted to another, there could be no danger in my being with you; and that the consciousness of my engagement was to keep my heart as safe and sacred as my honour. I felt that I admired you, but I told myself it was only friendship; and till I began to make comparisons between yourself and Lucy, I did not know how far I was got. After that, I suppose, I WAS wrong in remaining so much in Sussex, and the arguments with which I reconciled myself to the expediency of it, were no better than these:--The danger is my own; I am doing no injury to anybody but myself."

The explanation was the best a youth of four and twenty could offer but Elinor was wise enough to see the truth in it and forgave him very nicely for that past transgression.

She then informed him to his chagrin the expected arrival of Colonel Brandon and he decided to truly pay his thanks to the gentleman and see what Delaford has to offer. Both of them knew that a marriage could not be supported by that single livelihood but Edward had a plan of sorts to visit his mother. Being deprived of his presence was one thing but being deprived of two sons he knew his mother could not live in such a condition. However he was at a loss on how to achieve this feat. Their lives were tossed into happier disarray with the arrival of the Colonel and the man had to be informed properly and to the full extent of Edward's confusing marital condition. After a few days two letters arrived from town. One from Mrs. Jennings naming Lucy Steele as an unforgivable hussy and one from John Dashwood giving very broad hints to possibilities of Edward being accepted into the family fold again. The young man did chafe and rightfully so at the somewhat insolent language John used but Elinor tamed him with her wisdom and he began to plan to visit London again. But first he followed Colonel Brandon to Delaford to see for the first time his new home. The ladies saw the gentlemen off in happiness and hope of a quick return. Amongst this group saying farewell the youngest had the broadest smile. Margaret was indeed in a great mood. Dear, good Edward she thought, you finally came home.

Part 12 -- The day of the wedding

Edward solemnly sat in the Delaford's parlor quite convinced he would remain a bachelor 'til his death. He had braved his mother's wrath and acquired some inheritance that would guarantee a comfortable living as a married man. Elinor then decided to his delight that they could not wait until the parsonage was readied and hastened their wedding date. The good Colonel voluteered a suite of rooms in Delaford for their use until the parsonage was appropriate for living. Happy and contented beyond his care he let Elinor and her family carry the wedding plans to their imagination.

Leaves of particular shades were collected to make wreaths and collected they were. Colonel Brandon exclaimed with some humor that Margaret managed to haul so many leaves that there were more on his South Parlor floor than the whole of Delaford's grounds. Marianne bloomed once again to her usual beauty and Elinor derived even more pleasure from her sister's recovery so the whole Dashwood household and all their near acquaintances were indeed in a celebratory mood by the wedding date.

And that was when all the troubles began. First Elinor's bouquet disappeared from the music room and then the parson's carriage broke down along the way. It would be at least another hour before he could arrive and heaven knows where Marianne would find another bouquet for her sister! Edward groaned into his hands but managed to straighten himself when he heard Margaret's footsteps outside his door. She bursted in and cried out "He's here! The parson's here! Come Edward we must hurry!" She need not have shouted the last sentence for he was out the door before she could turn herself.

Colonel Brandon was waiting for him outside the church and the men entered together. Edward saw the parson and the gentleman was very apologetic indedd for making the party wait. Mrs. Jennings was beaming proudly and Sir John was engrossed in a coversation with Lord Benton who came a week ago to present a very beautiful wedding gift to the couple. The young lord sincerely enjoyed this charming country and was debating whether to purchase a small estate here.

The children from the village began to sing a hymn and the ceremony began. Edward slowly turned towards the door and waited with some impatience at the appearance of his bride. Marianne entered followed by Elinor and Edward then knew that today he would be a husband. Somehow Marianne found another bouquet for her sister and he was glad. It was very strange how he noticed all the trivialities while such a great occasion was happening in his life. The parson began his words and Edward performed his office with great care. Within minutes he was no longer a bachelor and Elinor had a new name of Ferrars. The couple was cheered all the way to the main house where the Colonel prepared the wedding festivities with his usual exuberant kindness.

As the music struck and the fiddlers began their lively song Edward felt himself expand in happiness. He was no longer just Edward Ferrars but Edward Ferrars, the husband of Elinor Ferrars formerly of Dashwood. Her name will forever be attached to his as her person and once again he could not believe his luck. She took his hands and the couple circled the open floor as their friends cheered on. She was here, by his side and her face in front of his. Her soul was there with him and she would share all that was before him making so much of his unhappy history a forgotten thing. The music became sweeter and so did his eyes. Elinor was here and so was he and they were man and wife. It was good his heart said to his mind and his soul hummed in agreement. The two sharing the same thoughts and offering the same gratitude to heaven above proved to every witness, from the highest of rank to the lowest of the field, on that beautiful wedding day that true love once found and shared can survive any toil and evil that the world can throw as long as the lovers hold true.

************

the end

© 1998 Copyright held by author