A Love Most Unwanted

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Chapter 8

It was now in the middle of December. The weather was still fine, and so Emma and Harriet took every opportunity to go out and get some exercise. They knew that it was only a matter of time until it snowed, and so they enjoyed every moment of fine weather.

One day, Emma had to pay a charitable visit to a poor family who lived a short way out of Highbury, and asked Harriet to accompany her.

To get to the family's cottage, they had to walk along Vicarage Lane. For Harriet, the prospect of walking past the Vicarage was already tempting enough, and Emma did not have to persuade her for very long.

Perhaps we shall meet Mr. Elton there, she thought. Wouldn't that be funny if we did?

The Vicarage was an old building, and very close to the road. Emma did not believe that it had any advantage of situation, but she knew that Mr. Elton had done very much to smarten it up. When they reached the vicarage, Emma smiled and Harriet and said,

"There it is. There go you and your riddle-book one of these days."

What a beautiful house! How I shall love to live there!

"Oh, what a sweet house, Miss Woodhouse! How very beautiful! There are the yellow curtains that Miss Nash admires so much!"

They walked on, and Emma said," I do not often walk this way now, but then there will be an inducement, and I shall gradually get intimately acquainted with all the hedges, gates, pools, and pollards, of this part of Highbury."

This means that she really believes that I will live here. She is talking of it as if it were absolutely certain.

This thought made Harriet very happy. She still could not quite believe her luck, and every allusion to this topic made by Miss Woodhouse ascertained her of her happiness.

For a while, none of them spoke. Then Harriet asked, "Miss Woodhouse, do you know what the Vicarage looks like from the inside?"

"You have never been there, Harriet?"

"No, but I would love to see it. It must be so beautiful!"

"I wish I could contrive it," was Emma's answer, "but I cannot think of any tolerable pretence for going in, no servant that I want to inquire about of his housekeeper - no message from my father."

She stopped, seemingly deep in thought. "No, I cannot think of anything."

Miss Woodhouse would really like to help me, to be sure! I never had a friend like her! If anyone could think of an excuse to get into the Vicarage, it is she! She is so cunning! And charming, too! I wonder why she is not married, pretty, charming and well to do as she is...

"I do so wonder, Miss Woodhouse, that you should not be married, or going to be married! So charming as you are!"

Emma looked at her, laughing, as if the whole idea of her getting married was a good joke.

"My being charming, Harriet, is not quite enough to induce me to marry; I must find other people charming -- one other person at least. And I am not only, not going to be married, at present, but have very little intention of ever marrying at all."

This seemed so absurd to Harriet, that she said, "Ah! So you say, but I cannot believe it!"

"I must see somebody very superior to any one I have seen yet, to be tempted; Mr. Elton, you know, is out of the question: and I do not wish to see any such person. I would rather not be tempted. I cannot really change for the better. If I were to marry, I must expect to repent it."

Harriet shook her head in amazement, smiled, and said, "Dear me! It is so odd to hear a woman talk so!"

"I have none of the usual inducements of women to marry. Were I to fall in love, indeed, it would be a different thing! But I never have been in love; it is not my way, or my nature; and I do not think I ever shall. And, without love, I am sure I should be a fool to change such a situation as mine. Fortune I do not want, employment I do not want; consequence I do not want. I believe few married women are half as much mistress of their husband's house, as I am of Hartfield; and never, never could I expect to be so truly beloved and important; so always first and always right in any man's eyes as I am in my father's."

But what happens if her father dies? She will be all alone; certainly she does not wish that?

"But then, to be an old maid, like Miss Bates!"

I could never wish to be an old maid!

Emma laughed heartily.

"That is as formidable an image as you could present, Harriet; and if I thought I should ever be like Miss Bates! So silly- so satisfied -- so smiling -- so prosing -- so undistinguishing and unfastidious -- and so apt to tell everything relative to everybody about me, I would marry tomorrow."

Harriet could not help smiling, too.

"But between us, I am convinced there never can be any likeness, except in being unmarried."

While they went on, Emma explained to Harriet how she imagined her future life to be, and the difference between a single woman of fortune and an old maid without. And as to children -- there were always nephews and nieces.

This raised Harriet's curiosity in another topic.

"Do you know Miss Bates's niece? That is, I know you must have seen her a hundred times, but are you acquainted?"

"Oh yes, we are always forced to be acquainted whenever she comes to Highbury. By the bye, that is almost enough to put one out of conceit with a niece. Heaven forbid! At least, that I should ever bore people half so much about all the Knightleys together as she does about Jane Fairfax! One is sick of the very name of Jane Fairfax! Every letter from her is read forty times over; her compliments to all friends go round and round again, and if she does but send her aunt a pattern of a stomacher, or knit a pair of garters for her grandmother, one hears of nothing else for a month. I wish Jane Fairfax very well; but she tires me to death."

Oh yes, that must be very tiresome, indeed! That makes it hard for me to like Miss Fairfax, although I do not know her. But, would Miss Woodhouse want to be my friend if she had Miss Fairfax?

At this moment, they had reached the cottage, and both, Emma and Harriet, were absorbed in their business there. Harriet felt rather uncomfortable and useless; she did not know how to tend to a sick person. She thought that her presence here was neither necessary nor particularly wished for, as she could not be of assistance. All she could do was to try and keep out of the way, which was not easy in such a tiny room as this.

Harriet liked to watch Emma, however, and admired her for her intelligence and skill.

The living conditions of the family deeply impressed Harriet, and she felt as if she was soon going to cry, out of compassion for them. If only she could help them!

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When they left the house, Emma said to her, "These are the sights, Harriet, to do one good. How trifling they make everything else appear! I feel now as if I could think of nothing but these poor creatures all the rest of the day; and yet, who can say how soon it may all vanish from my mind?"

Harriet could do nothing but agree. "Poor creatures! One can think of nothing else!"

They went down the lane again, and after they had passed a bend, they saw Mr. Elton coming towards them.

Emma smiled and said, "Ah, Harriet, here comes a very sudden trial of our stability in good thoughts. Well, I hope it may be allowed that if compassion has produced exertion and relief in the sufferers, it has done all that is truly important. If we feel for the wretched, enough to do all we can for them, the rest is empty sympathy, only distressing to ourselves."

Harriet could only answer, "Oh dear, yes," before Mr. Elton joined them.

"Miss Woodhouse! Miss Smith! What a pleasure to meet you here. I was just on my way to call on Mrs. Parker!"

Emma smiled at him and said, "We are just coming from her cottage, Mr. Elton. Isn't it a coincidence that we should meet here, all being here on the same errand?"

"Oh yes, Miss Woodhouse, a coincidence, indeed! Exactly so. Well, if you have been there, Miss Woodhouse, I think I will not bother the poor woman with my visit any more, I am sure she is very well taken care of. Would you allow me to keep you company?"

"Certainly, Mr. Elton," said Emma, while Harriet found it hard to conceal her delight.

While they were walking on, Harriet noticed that Emma went on a narrow footpath on one side of the road, leaving her and Mr. Elton alone on the main road.

But instead of feeling pleased and grateful, she felt nervous and did not really wish to be alone with Mr. Elton. She did not know what to talk about, and felt awkward and stupid. Therefore she followed Emma, and so did Mr. Elton.

Harriet saw that Emma looked around, and hurried up to join her. Emma stopped, looking a bit discontented. When they reached her, she stooped and tied her boot lacing. Both Harriet and Mr. Elton wanted to wait for her, but Emma did not want to hear of it.

"Please be so good as to walk on. I will follow you when I am finished, it will only take a moment."

So Harriet and Mr. Elton walked on, and Harriet took all her courage and said, "How are your friends, the Coles, Mr. Elton? I haven't heard of them for a while. I hope they are well."

She then listened eagerly to Mr. Elton's lively description of his last dinner with the Coles, smiled and nodded and wondered why on earth Miss Woodhouse needed so much time to tie her boot and join them again. She looked around and saw that Emma was close behind them. So she stopped and waited for her. Mr. Elton stopped, too.

Emma, however, seemed to be rather displeased with her. Harriet could not figure out why, but her look was somewhat furious. Emma joined them, and they walked on together quietly. When they got into view of the Vicarage, Emma again stooped and told them to walk on.

"Something is wrong with my boot. I'll arrange it and follow you in a minute."

Harriet and Mr. Elton did as she told them, but then they heard Emma call out for them.

"Wait, please!"

She limped towards them. "I am afraid I cannot put my boot to rights again. Part of my lace is gone, and I do not know how I am to contrive. I really am the most troublesome companion to you both, but I hope I am not often so ill -- equipped. Mr. Elton, I must beg leave to stop at your house, and ask your housekeeper for a bit of riband or string, or any thing just to keep my boot on."

"Why, of course, Miss Woodhouse! Certainly! I am glad to be of assistance."

Mr. Elton looked very happy, even Harriet noticed that.

What a strange coincidence! Just an hour ago, we regretted that we didn't have an excuse to get into the vicarage, and now we do not need an excuse at all! And just look at Mr. Elton, he is so delighted to have us here!

They were shown into Mr. Elton's reception room, and while Emma went into the adjoining room to readjust her boot with the help of his housekeeper, Harriet and Mr. Elton were left alone.

Harriet was nervous, trying to keep up a conversation.

"What a pleasant room this is, Mr. Elton!"

"Well, Miss Smith, I have done my best to improve it, but I do think that a lady may find some things to make it even more comfortable. A lady's touch is very much needed in this house." He sighed.

What does he mean? Is he going to.... will he....

Harriet was unable to think clearly, and decided to change the subject. This one was getting too dangerous.

She went and looked out of the window.

"Oh, you can see the road from here, Mr. Elton."

"That is right, Miss Smith." He came very close to her and said, "Actually I have seen you walk past the house before and I decided to follow you. I hope you are not angry with me?"

"Oh, why should I, Mr. Elton?" Harriet blushed. "I am sure you had your reasons to do so."

"Quite so, I did have a good reason...."

They heard a noise from behind and turned around. It was Emma, who had entered the room again, having done with her boot.

"Oh, Miss Woodhouse, you are finished."

Emma smiled. "I am infinitely obliged to you, Mr. Elton. Thank you very much for your help. But now we have imposed on your kindness for long enough."

She turned to Harriet. "Don't you think so?"

Harriet agreed, and wondered why she had the feeling as if she had escaped.

What is wrong with me? He has shown me very clearly how much he loves me. I should be pleased, and grateful. I am in love with him, so why cannot I be alone with him without feeling so uneasy?

Mr. Elton accompanied them to the door, where they stopped once more, because Emma wanted to invite him to Hartfield for dinner.

They were so absorbed in their lively conversation, that they did not notice the young man on horseback who passed them, and they did not observe the surprised and hurt look he gave Harriet.

Chapter 9

When Robert arrived at home, he went into his study and locked the door. He wanted to be alone, and try to recover from what he had seen.

Since Harriet had rejected him, he had tried to forget her, but it hadn't worked. Everything around him reminded him of her. To divert his thoughts, he had buried himself in work. He sometimes felt that he would have gone crazy, had it not been for his work. The responsibility for the farm kept him busy, and led his thoughts away from Harriet.

But he dreaded the evenings, when he was all alone in his room, with no one there and nothing to do. Then there was no escape of those memories, and as beautiful as they were, they brought back his wretchedness.

Every time he had passed Highbury on his way to Kingston, he had half hoped, half feared, to meet Harriet, and had wondered what he (and she) would do then.

He had imagined the scene again and again, and he had tried to prepare himself for a meeting that he knew would take place sooner or later. But nothing could have prepared him for the pain he felt when he saw Harriet, standing at the door of the vicarage, talking to Mr. Elton, laughing, and not even noticing that he went by.

He was deeply hurt, and at the same time angry with himself for being so.

"What on earth did you expect her to do," he muttered to himself. "Did you really think she would run around looking for you? Get back to reality, blockhead!"

He sighed. It was not that easy...

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In the meantime, George Mason arrived at Abbey Mill Farm and was happy to find "his" Catherine all alone in the drawing room. He had good news for her, as she could see at once when he entered the room. His eyes shone with happiness.

"Well, George, what is it? What do you want to tell me," she said, after she had welcomed him with a kiss.

"How did you guess that I wanted to tell you something?"

She smiled. "Female intuition."

He laughed. "Of course. Why do I ask? When I come to think of it now, I'd rather not tell you."

"Don't you dare keeping me in suspense, Mr. Mason!" She said this in a severe tone, but her eyes sparkled with delight. "My revenge would be terrible, sir!"

"In that case I will tell you, dear. I know how malicious you can get." He grinned. "That is one reason why I want to marry you."

His smile made her laugh, too. "Why can't I ever be angry with you, George Mason?"

"Blame it on my irresistible charm, Miss Martin. But now let's be serious for a moment."

"I've been serious all the time. What do you want to tell me?"

George smiled. "My father has made me an offer today. He wants me to become his partner, by the end of next year."

"That is wonderful, George! Oh, I am so happy for you!"

George laughed. "And not only for me, I guess."

"What do you mean?"

"Catherine, if everything works fine, my income will be large enough for me to marry."

He smiled at her radiantly. "We always thought that we would have to wait at least two or three years, didn't we? I came here to tell you the news as fast as possible. Perhaps you will be Mrs. Mason by next Christmas already, if you still want me, that is."

"Oh, George, of course I do! I am none of those girls who..."

She paused, because the door had opened and Robert had entered the room. "Well, you know," she concluded her speech.

Robert looked at them, as if he was asking for pardon. "Sorry I disturbed you. I'll be gone in a moment."

"You're not disturbing us at all, Robert," said George. "Actually, I came here to talk to you as well."

Robert nodded absentmindedly. "But not now, George, I've got a lot of work to do."

He looked at his friend. "But stay for dinner, and we'll be able to talk to each other then."

He left the room, and George stared at the door, all astonishment.

"Can you tell me who that was?" he asked Catherine.

"Robert. I think you know him."

"I know him very well, but that is not Robert at all. What is the matter with him?"

Catherine sounded as if she was going to cry any moment.

"Oh George, he has changed so much! We can see how he suffers, but he does not talk about it. He just keeps working all night and day, and - I don't know what to do to help him! I feel so helpless! It's horrible to see my own brother like this! He used to be so friendly, and lively, and now..."

"I do understand him in a way. I think I'd be just the same."

George thought for a while, and then he turned to Catherine again.

"I've got something more to tell you, Catherine. My father has asked me to go to London for him, to settle some business matter there. That means I'll be away for at least three weeks, but I think it will last for a month."

"Do you really have to go?"

"I'm afraid I will. But I just had an idea. What do you think, would it be a good thing to invite Robert to go with me? It is winter, which means that he does not have so much to do around here. He was in London last winter, wasn't he? I think some change might do him good."

"I think that is a good idea. But I am not sure if he will assent to it."

"Just leave that to me, Catherine." He took her hand. "Your brother and I have been friends for a very long time, haven't we? I know how to deal with him."

"Do you promise me one thing?"

"Anything you wish, dear."

"Write to me every day when you are in London, will you? I will miss you so much, and your letters will be like yourself being here, telling me about your day."

George put his arms around her. "I'm sure I'll miss you very much, too, Catherine. And I promise to write to you."

"Every day?"

"Every day. Will you write to me, too?"

"I certainly will."

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After dinner, George took the opportunity to talk to his friend while they were sitting in the dining room together.

"How are you, Robert? You seem to be out of spirits tonight."

"I'm very well, thank you."

"Robert, I've watched you all evening. You are not really well, something is worrying you. Tell me."

"It is nothing, really."

George sighed. "Very well then. It is obvious that you don't want to talk about it and you want to be left alone. Suits me. So we will just sit here, get drunk and stare at the wall. In other words, a perfect evening."

Robert had to smile at this, even though he did not feel like smiling.

Both friends were silent for a while. Robert got up and walked around in the room.

George watched him with increasing uneasiness.

"You remind me of some captured animal, Robert, and you are making me nervous. Why don't you sit down?"

Robert sat down, only to rise the next moment and walk to the window.

"I saw her today."

George immediately understood whom Robert was referring to. So this was troubling his friend!

"You did? Where?"

"In Highbury. I was just on my way back from Kingston when she and Miss Woodhouse came out of the vicarage, talking to Mr. Elton."

"Did she talk to you, too?"

"No, she didn't even notice that I was there. George, I thought it was getting better, but when I saw her..."

"I can imagine what it was like."

Poor chap! Well, it had to happen sooner or later...

"I cannot blame her for refusing a Robert Martin if she can have a Philip Elton."

Hang on! What does that mean? Elton and Harriet Smith? He's not serious, is he?

"Do you think he is in love with Miss Smith?"

"I don't know about his feelings, but I would be very much mistaken is she isn't in love with him. The way she looked at him..."

George sighed. "Poor girl!"

Robert looked at him inquiringly. "I beg your pardon?"

"If Miss Smith is really in love with Mr. Elton, she is heading for a severe disappointment."

"Why do you think so?"

"Consider it, Robert. Elton is a clergyman. He won't marry the natural daughter of nobody-knows-whom, whatever her virtues may be. If he is interested in her, it is not for marriage, and I would not wish her to fall in love, be used, and then rejected."

"Do you really think he would do that?" Suddenly Robert felt extremely concerned, and Mr. Elton might have had a serious problem if he had been here.

"No, I don't think so. He is much too selfish to do that; he would be too much worried about his own reputation. Believe me, Harriet Smith is quite safe."

George thought for a while. "If he is thinking of marrying one of the two ladies, it is Miss Woodhouse, and not Miss Smith."

"Miss Woodhouse?"

George smiled at Robert. "A very handsome lady with a very handsome dowry. Much more tempting for a man like Mr. Elton than Miss Smith."

"I don't wish her to be disappointed like that, though."

"Of course you don't, but you won't be able to prevent it."

"I wish I could. I'd hate to see her unhappy."

George watched his friend.

He is still very much in love with her, he thought. I hope he will go to London with me. It would do him good.

"You know, Robert, I am going to go to London after Christmas. There is not much to do on the farm in winter, and I think you need a break. What do you think about going with me?"

"I don't know.... I'm sure I'll only be in your way."

"Nonsense, Robert."

"And I don't want to leave my mother with all the work."

George had a hard time suppressing a grin. He knew his friend -- and his mother- too well to believe him.

So he is trying to use his mother as an excuse, is he? Well, I can deal with that.

"Didn't she manage the farm last winter as well?"

"That was a completely different occasion. I had to go then."

Oh, of course you had to. And you'll have to go now, too. I'm sure your mother will be of the same opinion as me, and then no excuse is left for you. Poor Robert! You should never underestimate your mother and your friend. If we ally against you, for your own sake, you have no chance of succeeding! Not if I want something that much as your going to London with me!

George rose. "Why don't we go and ask her?"

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Mrs. Martin agreed with George at once. Robert needed a break, and London was the perfect place for a young man to amuse himself and to be distracted. She readily offered to take care of the farm until her son would be back.

"I wonder why I have not thought of it, myself, Mr. Mason! What a brilliant idea!"

"And I am not to be asked for my opinion," Robert asked.

George grinned. "No. Believe us, we know what is good for you. You go to London with me, just as any obedient son would do to please his mother."

"There seems to be no way out of it."

"No way at all." George laughed.

"All right then. When are we going to leave?"

"We'll spend Christmas with our family and friends, and start off in the morning of the 28th. Does that suit you?"

"I am not asked if the whole journey suits me, and now you're asking me about the date of departure?" Robert smiled.

"I thought it was just fair to ask you. But it's not as if you had any choice. We'll leave on the 28th."

Chapter 10

It was now but a few days until Christmas. Harriet was back at Mrs. Goddard's, as she did not want to be a burden to Miss Woodhouse while her sister and brother-in-law were visiting Hartfield.

Still, she went to see Emma Woodhouse every day. And she was delighted to get an invitation for a Christmas dinner at Randalls on Christmas Eve. She felt even happier when she heard that Mr. Elton was to be one of the party, too.

But it was not to be. In the late afternoon before the dinner, Harriet went to Hartfield. She had not felt very well all day.

I hope I will not fall ill, she thought. It is always the same. Whenever I look forward to doing something, I can be sure of my health preventing it.

She spent the evening with Emma, talking about their plans for Christmas Eve. But the longer she stayed, the more she felt that she would not be able to dine at Randalls the next evening.

She had a sore throat and felt hoarse, and even when she was sitting next to a blazing fire in the drawing room, she needed her shawl and felt cold.

"Harriet, you do not look very well tonight," Emma said with a worried look.

"I am afraid I do not feel very well either, Miss Woodhouse. I'd better go home now," Harriet replied.

"But dearest Harriet! I cannot allow you to leave Hartfield in the state you are in! You will stay here, and I will take care of you!"

"No, Miss Woodhouse, I cannot wish you to do that! You have so much to do with your guests already! I will go home, and Mrs. Goddard will nurse me. She is good at doing this, you know. She knows so many remedies, I am sure she will make me feel well again until tomorrow."

Emma watched her doubtingly. "Are you sure, Harriet? You know you are most welcome to stay here if you wish to. It would be no trouble at all."

"Oh yes, I know, Miss Woodhouse, and I thank you ever so much for your kind offer, but I would rather go home and be nursed by Mrs. Goddard."

"Then let me order the carriage for you, Harriet. You cannot possibly walk, it is much too cold outside."

"Oh no, Miss Woodhouse, please! I would not wish to bother any one. You know how very particular your father is about using the carriage."

"You can be absolutely certain, my dear Harriet, that my father would not wish you to walk back to Mrs. Goddard's house if he knew about your being unwell. I am sure he would call for the carriage himself. Indeed, it would make him very uneasy if you walked."

"But I do not wish to inconvenience you, Miss Woodhouse. I will walk, it is no problem at all, I am not that unwell. Fresh air and exercise might do me good, I think. And it is not so far to walk, it is but a quarter of a mile."

So Emma could do nothing but accompany her to the door and tell her to take care of herself and get better soon.

"I will call on you tomorrow, and see how you are. Good night, Harriet!"

"Good night, Miss Woodhouse!"

Harriet walked out into the night. The sky was very clear; one could see every single star. The moon was nearly full, and so Harriet had no problem in seeing everything around her very clearly.

She did not care much for her surroundings, though. Her head ached, and her feet felt as if her shoes were made of lead. She could hardly lift them. The short walk to Mrs. Goddard's house fatigued her exceedingly, and she regretted not to have accepted Miss Woodhouse's offer. But there was nothing to be done now; she had to walk on to Mrs. Goddard's.

When she arrived there, Mrs. Goddard took the matter in hand at once.

"Dear child, you look awful!"

She felt Harriet's forehead and checked on her pulse, and sent her to bed immediately. She brought some elder tea to her room and ordered her to drink it while it was still hot.

"Do you think I will be well enough to go to Randalls tomorrow evening, Mrs. Goddard," Harriet asked anxiously and looked at her with feverish eyes.

Mrs. Goddard was sure that this was hardly possible, but she did not want to discourage her patient.

"We will see, child, we will see," she said reassuringly. "Now drink your tea and try to sleep."

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That night, Harriet hardly slept at all. Her headache and her sore throat kept her awake, and when she managed to get to sleep, she woke up after a short time because she felt either hot or cold. Her dreams were very strange, too, and made her feel even worse. It was nearly dawn when she finally fell asleep.

In the morning she woke up when Lucy, Mrs. Goddard's maid, entered the room with her breakfast.

"Good morning, Miss Smith!" she said cheerfully. "I hope you are feeling better! But you shouldn't have walked home yesterday evening, to be sure! You could have caught your death! Thank god you got home, and Mrs. Goddard could help you!"

Lucy went about the room, opening the curtains, straightening the blankets and the pillows, and babbling all the time. Harriet did not really listen to her, she was feeling feverish, and her headache had reached terrible dimensions.

She was not able to eat much, either, because her sore throat hurt whenever she tried to swallow something. And knowing that she would not be able to dine at Randalls under any circumstances, made her misery complete.

What have I done to deserve this? I cannot believe this happens to me! Oh, if only Lucy left me alone, she is such a nuisance today. Well, she does mean well, to be sure, but I cannot stand her. My headache -- what can I possibly do about it?

Then she remembered when she had been ill during her visit on Abbey Mill Farm, and how Elizabeth had tended to her then.

Why do I still think of them all? I know they must hate me by now, there is no doubt they do. I haven't heard from Elizabeth since the day when Mr. Martin proposed. I cannot blame her, though. Oh, I wish she were here!

Finally, Lucy left Harriet's room with the nearly untouched breakfast, and ten minutes later Mrs. Goddard came to see her.

"Oh, this does not look very good for you, child," she said, after she had felt Harriet's pulse and forehead again.

"You have got fever, and your pulse is worrying me, too. I know you have been looking forward to this evening, but you will have to spend Christmas in bed this year."

"Why does this always happen to me, Mrs. Goddard?"

"I do not know, but you have had this very often, remember? You seem to be prone to that sort of thing."

The door opened, and Lucy told them that Miss Woodhouse had arrived to inquire after Harriet, and asked Mrs. Goddard what she was to do.

"Oh, Miss Woodhouse is here? Oh, is not she the most caring person, Mrs. Goddard? Do you think she wants to see me? Or should she rather not see me, what do you think?"

"I will go downstairs and talk to her first, Harriet."

Harriet was left behind, and tried to get up and make herself presentable. She did not want Emma to see her as she was, her hair clinging to her head, and her nightgown being crumpled.

Instead of waiting for assistance, she got out of her bed, and went to her dressing table. She had to give up that plan, however, because she suddenly felt giddy and almost fainted.

It was not a very good idea to be found lying on the floor of her bedroom, she thought, and went back into her bed. She was just wrapping herself up in her blankets again, when the door opened and Emma came in.

"Poor, dearest Harriet! What do I hear? You are ill, Mrs. Goddard told me. Tell me, how do you feel?"

"Not very well, Miss Woodhouse. My head aches, my throat is sore, and I must look terrible to you. I must apologise for my appearance, I tried to get up and do my hair, at least, but I could not do anything."

"You tried to get up, Harriet? You should not, you know. You are not supposed to trouble yourself with such a thing as hair and clothes at the moment. You should try to do what Mrs. Goddard has told you, and stay in bed to recover."

"But I wish I could go to Randalls with you tonight!" The tears were running down Harriet's cheeks while she said this.

"Harriet, there is no thinking of such a thing at the moment! I am sure you will be missed very much by all of us, but we cannot want you to risk your health just to be with us. There will be other occasions for you to go to Randalls, or any other place in Highbury, very soon."

Harriet blushed at the thought. Of course, if she was Mrs. Elton some day, she would be invited to all the households in Highbury, she would perhaps think all the invitations quite troublesome because there were so many of them, but she could not imagine such a thing now. Mr. Elton...

"Do you think Mr. Elton will notice if I am not there?"

"Notice that you are not there? I am sure he will sorely miss you, Harriet, and he will be very depressed. I do not think this evening will give him much pleasure, when he hears about your illness. He will be too worried about you."

"Oh, please tell him not to worry, Miss Woodhouse, I do not want him to worry about me! Tell him I will be fine, soon!"

"I will, but I should be very much mistaken if he did not come to inquire after you himself! A man in love will not depend on what other people are telling him, believe me!"

Harriet sighed.

"Still I wish I could be there tonight. I have been looking forward to it; I could hardly wait for the evening at Randalls. Isn't life unfair?"

Emma smiled. "We will all miss you very much, Harriet. The conversation will be only half as delightful as when you are with us, and I shall be deprived of my favourite occupation at the moment, watching you with Mr. Elton. But it cannot be helped, Harriet, it cannot be helped."

At that moment Mrs. Goddard entered the room, telling them that Mr. Perry had come to see Harriet. So Emma rose and took leave, promising to come and see Harriet the next day to tell her everything about the dinner party at Randalls.

Mr. Perry examined Harriet carefully, and then ordered her to stay in bed, until the fever was over, and to drink lots of Mrs. Goddard's elder tea.

"You are very lucky, Miss Smith, to have such a good nurse as Mrs. Goddard. She did just the right thing to put you to bed. Well, it is not very alarming, only a bit of a cold, and I dare say that you will be well again in a week. Listen to what Mrs. Goddard says, she knows very well how to deal with this."

He then left Harriet's room, and Harriet, exhausted with this morning's excitement, fell asleep.

Mr. Perry stayed with Mrs. Goddard for another half hour, to chat and drink tea with her, before he went away again.

In the street, he met with Mrs. Martin and her eldest daughter.

"Good morning, Mr. Perry! How are you?"

"Very fine, thank you, Mrs. Martin. I hope every one is well at Abbey Mill Farm?"

"Oh yes, we are, thank you very much, Mr. Perry. But is somebody ill in Mrs. Goddard's school?"

"I have been here to see one of Mrs. Goddard's parlour boarders, yes."

Catherine Martin looked at him anxiously. "One of her parlour boarders, you said? But it is not Miss Smith, is it?"

"I am sorry to say it is her, Miss Martin. Oh, I forgot, she is one of your friends, isn't she? Well, do not be worried, it is only a cold, but the poor girl will have to spend Christmas in bed."

"Poor thing," Mrs. Martin said. "But I am sure Mrs. Goddard will nurse her very well.

Give my regards to Mrs. Perry, sir. And a merry Christmas to you and all your family!"

"Thank you very much, Mrs. Martin, and the same to you!"

With these words, he set out, in direction of his house.

Catherine sighed. "Poor Harriet! Do you think I should go to see her, Mother?"

"I don't know if that is wise, Catherine. If she is really ill, we'd better leave her alone, don't you think? It might upset her to see you, too."

"Why should it distress her, Mother?"

"Well, after she has refused Robert...I think she might believe that you have come to plead his cause, or something like that. If you truly wish to visit her, Catherine, do so, but I do not think it is good for her."

Catherine nodded. "I think you are right, Mother. I will visit her some other time."

Christmas Eve was a rather depressing matter for Harriet. She was not able to leave her room, and felt extremely lonely. Mrs Goddard was very attentive to her, and tried to make her feel comfortable, but of course she did not have the time to sit with Harriet all evening. And, as her headache still had not ceased, she could not read. So Harriet spent the evening lying in her bed, drinking elder tea (she now hated the sight of it, and drank it with contempt), and musing about the past year.

So many things have happened! My summer with the Martins! It was such a beautiful stay there! Too sad all this had to happen.

Why could Mr Martin not be content with being my friend? We got on so well with each other! I could be with them at Abbey Mill Farm now; Mrs Martin has invited me in September. But then, I would not be there, would I? I would be lying here in bed, and missing them, as I miss the party at Randalls now.

Mr Elton...what is he doing at the moment? Who is he talking to? Does he miss me? I wonder if he came here to ask how I was, but then it is not likely. I think Mrs Goddard would have told me if he had been here.

And I am sure Miss Nash would not be able to hold her tongue, and everyone in Highbury would know about it ere long!

I hope Miss Woodhouse will come early in the morning tomorrow; I cannot wait for her description of the dinner.

She heard the wind howl around the house, and when she looked to the window she saw that it was unusually light out there. She did not have the strength to get up and look out of the window, though, or she might have seen that it was snowing.

In the morning, Lucy told her that it had snowed all night.

"Do you think Miss Woodhouse will be able to come to see me today," Harriet asked.

"Nay, I don't think so, Miss Smith," was Lucy's answer. "I don't think that Mr Woodhouse would let her go out in such a weather as this is. It is still snowing."

Harriet sighed. Another disappointment.

"One is so helpless when one is ill," she said. "Oh, how I long to feel better and to go out. I do not mind the snow at all, I think it would be so much fun to walk in the snow!"

Later that day, Caroline Bickerton, her fellow parlour boarder, came to visit her, and to read a new book to her.

"You must be so bored, lying in bed all day! I have come to entertain you a bit, and I thought reading to you would be a good idea. I would have liked to read "The Mysteries of Udolpho" to you, Harriet, but Mrs Goddard objected to it. She said I ought to choose something less troubling. Have you ever heard about Miss Jane Austen?"

"No, I have not. What kind of books does she write?"

"You will see in a moment, Harriet. I am sure you will like this one. The title is "Sense and Sensibility"."

"Well, that sounds interesting, Caroline." But Harriet felt not really sure about that book being "interesting".

So, Caroline started reading. " The family of Dashwood had long been settled in Sussex. Their estate was large, and their residence was at Norland Park, in the centre of their property, where, for many generations, they had lived in so respectable a manner as to engage the general good opinion of their surrounding acquaintance...."

Harriet liked listening to her friend, Caroline Bickerton was a good reader, and the story soon captured her. She heartily lamented the Dashwoods' fate, and agreed with Caroline that Fanny Dashwood was the most disagreeable lady the world had ever seen.

They spent the following days reading the novel and discussing it. Harriet's favourite character was Marianne, she could sympathize with her very well.

What would I do if Mr Elton treated me like Mr Willoughby treats Marianne? I do not know, but then Mr Elton is not that wicked! He is a gentleman of honour! He would not show his attentions so clearly, and then leave me behind, without a word of explanation!

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

And then, in the morning of the 28th, Emma paid her the long waited-for visit at last. Harriet had felt much better this morning, and so Mrs Goddard had allowed her to sit in the drawing room by the fireside.

"But you must tell me when you feel unwell again, child, we must not risk a relapse, you know."

Harriet had promised Mrs Goddard to go back to her bed at once if she felt unwell.

When Emma was shown into the room, Mrs Goddard left them alone.

"I am sure you will have a lot to talk about, and do not wish to be bothered by an old lady like me," she said.

"And I have so much to do, I am quite relieved that you have come to accompany Miss Smith until I am finished with my work."

Emma sat down in a chair opposite Harriet, took both her hands and looked at her earnestly.

"How do you feel, dearest Harriet?"

"Oh, much better, Miss Woodhouse, thank you. The headache and the fever are gone, and the sore throat is much better, too. I am quite myself again."

"This is good news, indeed. I am sorry that I could not come earlier, but the weather has prevented me, my father would never have allowed me to go out."

"You do not have to apologise, Miss Woodhouse! I knew that the weather was bad and therefore did not expect you to come. But tell me, what was the evening at Randalls like?"

Emma sighed, and said, "Not very pleasant, I have to say. Well, Harriet, I do have to tell you something, and it pains me very much, indeed, but the best thing is I'll tell you at once...

We went to the Westons by carriage, and it was already looking as if it was going to snow. My brother-in-law had promised Mr Elton to pick him up at the vicarage, he was to go with us, you know."

"Mr Elton! What did he say? Was he disappointed not to see me?"

Harriet could not make anything out of Emma's look. Was it pity? Or scruples? Emma tried to avoid her eyes and looked down on her own shoes instead, while she was going on with her story.

"The dinner, Harriet, was pleasant enough, to be sure. Dear Mrs Weston has done everything to make the evening a most delightful one. The food was excellent, and everyone was in high spirits, especially Mr Weston. He read a letter from his son to us. Mr Frank Churchill is to come and visit the Westons very soon."

"So what was wrong, Miss Woodhouse? What makes you say it was an unpleasant evening?"

Suddenly, Harriet felt nervous. Did it have something to do with Mr Elton?

"When it started snowing more heavily, my brother-in-law got anxious and wished to go home at once. My father and Isabella agreed that there was no time to be lost, and so they all went in my brother's carriage, while I stayed with the Westons for some more time. Mr Elton promised to take me home."

"Oh, Mr Elton!"

"Harriet, it is not easy for me to tell you this, because I know this has all been my fault, but... when we were sitting in the carriage together, Mr Elton...proposed to me."

If Emma had slapped her face, Harriet could not have been more shocked or hurt.

"Mr Elton...proposed...to you?" Harriet had to make some effort to be able to say this.

This cannot be true, this must be a nightmare! Sure I will wake up in a moment and find myself in my bed!

"Yes, Harriet. He told me that he loved me, and that he wanted to marry me. First, I did not believe that he was serious. I thought that there might be some...terrible mistake on his part, but he assured me that there was no mistake at all."

"But then...you were so sure that he was in love with me..."

She was sure, wasn't she? She would not have talked so much about Mr Elton's feelings towards me if she hadn't thought they existed! That would have been too much cruelty! No, Miss Woodhouse must have been quite as much mistaken as I was.

"This is the worst thing, Harriet, and it pains me, you do not know how much it pains me! All my observations, all my convictions, all my prophesies for the last six weeks have been wrong, so wrong! And it is me, your friend, who has to cause so much pain to you!"

Harriet was now sobbing uncontrollably, and Emma got up and put an arm around her.

"He was not the least in love with me," Harriet sobbed. "I should have known it! I have nothing to complain of."

"Dear Harriet, I..."

"I would never have deserved him! The affection of such a man as Mr Elton would have been too great a distinction! Nobody but so kind and partial a friend as you would have thought it possible, Miss Woodhouse!"

Again, her grief overcame her, and she was crying recklessly.

"Oh, Harriet, if I only knew what to do! It is my entire fault to see you so unhappy, I am so ashamed of myself! You are so infinitely superior to me, Harriet! I have hurt you so deeply, and still you do not blame me! I do not deserve such a thing. Oh, do stop crying, dearest Harriet; I cannot endure to see you like this!"

Finally, Harriet managed to calm down a bit, and she decided to go to her room.

"If anybody finds me like this, Miss Woodhouse, they might ask what has happened, and I do not want to talk about it. I'll go to bed again, and try to recover."

Emma agreed with Harriet that some peace and quiet would help her to compose herself and to avoid questions. She left Harriet, not without promising to visit her again the next day.

In her room, Harriet threw herself on her bed and started to cry again, until she felt that she had used up all her tears now. But then she had another thought, and it hurt her very much.

Is this how Mr Martin has felt when he received my letter? Oh, if I had only accepted him, all this would not have happened! Perhaps this is my punishment for treating Mr Martin in such an abominable way!

Somehow she felt that this punishment might be just fair, if she had really inflicted so much pain.

Chapter 11

During the following weeks, Emma tried hard to help Harriet in getting over her disappointment. However, this was not so easy, because Harriet refused to forget Mr Elton, and the more Emma tried to distract her thoughts, Harriet brought herself back to remembering him.

Her surroundings at Mrs Goddard's did not at all add to her comfort. Miss Nash had always been exceedingly fond of Mr Elton, and now that he was gone, she talked of nothing else but him and why he had gone. Her treatment of Harriet was worse than ever before, because in a way she suspected Harriet to be responsible for Mr Elton's leaving Highbury, and therefore she could not talk about him without reproaching Harriet.

Harriet took refuge in Hartfield as often as possible. She could not endure the biting remarks of Miss Nash, and she knew that only Miss Woodhouse, her gentle friend, knew about the pain she was feeling and tried to ease it.

One morning, they went for a walk together, and after a while Emma had quite enough of talking about Mr Elton. She changed the subject, speaking to Harriet about poor Mrs Parker, and the poor in general.

The tears shot into Harriet's eyes, and a timid "Mr Elton is always so good to the poor!" was all she could manage to say.

Emma stopped. This was not to be tolerated any longer! There was only one way to keep Harriet from talking about Mr Elton, and that was...

"Harriet, this is Mrs and Miss Bates' house over there. I think we ought to visit them, don't you think so, too?"

Harriet looked at her in surprise. Miss Woodhouse was actually suggesting to visit Mrs and Miss Bates?

They went into the house, and were welcomed in a both grateful and lively manner by Miss Bates.

"Miss Woodhouse, Miss Smith, how very obliging of you to do us the honour of your visit! So obliging, indeed! How is your father, Miss Woodhouse? I hope he is in good health. Dear Mr Woodhouse, he is such an agreeable neighbour, such an agreeable gentleman he is, isn't he, Mamma? You must speak a bit louder if you want to address my mother, Miss Smith, she is a bit hard of hearing, but we get on very well, I dare say. Don't we, Mamma? Would you care for some cake, Miss Woodhouse? Miss Smith?

Mrs Cole has just been here, and she has been so good as to sit with us for an hour, and she has taken a piece of cake and has been so kind as to say that she liked it very much; and therefore I hope, you, Miss Woodhouse, and you, Miss Smith, will do us the favour of eating a piece of cake, too."

Harriet could not help smiling. Miss Bates reminded her of Mrs Charles, a lady she had met at the Martins'.

One cannot help but like her, she thought. She is such a cheerful, happy sort of person, and she has got a heart of gold, to be sure. But I admit she can be troublesome, too. I do not think I could endure her for a whole day!

"Just imagine, Miss Woodhouse, Mrs Cole told me that Mr Elton has written to Mr Cole. She told me everything about his letter."

Only Emma noticed how pale Harriet turned at the mention of Mr Elton's name, and how hard her friend tried not to burst out crying.

"Really, Miss Bates?"

With the tone of her voice, she tried to discourage Miss Bates from telling them the contents of Mr Elton's letter, but Miss Bates was too eager to spread the news to notice that her narrative was not wished for.

"He has been gone for more than a month now, Miss Woodhouse, and it seems that he has been in company very often. But then, Bath is such a delightful place, and I am sure that such a handsome and agreeable gentleman like Mr Elton is certainly a favourite everywhere he goes, do you not think so, too, Miss Woodhouse?"

Emma tried to answer, but Miss Bates went on.

"I do say that he is very much missed here, he used to be such a well-established member of Highbury society. How are we to get on without him! Well, but today, I had interesting news, as well, interesting news, indeed!"

Emma, anxious to give the conversation another direction, asked, "You did not have a letter from your niece, I think? It is not her day to write, is it?"

"Oh, Miss Woodhouse, how did you possibly guess? Mrs Cole was as kind as to sit some time with us, talking of Jane; for as soon as she came in, she began inquiring after her, Jane is so very great a favourite there. Whenever she is with us, Mrs Cole does not know how to show her kindness enough; and I must say that Jane deserves it as much as anybody can."

While Miss Bates went on with her story, Emma let her thoughts wander, and looked at Harriet. She seemed to have recovered from the shock of having heard of Mr Elton.

"...Do let me hear what she says."

"Have you heard from Miss Fairfax so lately? I am extremely happy. I hope she is well," Emma said, smiling, when she guessed by Miss Bates' short break that it was time for her to say something.

"Thank you. You are so kind," said Miss Bates and looked for the letter.

"Oh, here it is. I was sure it could not be far off; but I had put my housewife upon it, you see, without being aware, and so it was quite hid, but I had it in my hand so very lately that I was almost sure it must be on the table. I was reading it to Mrs Cole, and since she went away, I was reading it again to my mother, for it is such a pleasure to her..."

Emma's attention drifted away again, but Harriet was sitting there, listening eagerly to the chatter of Miss Bates.

Miss Bates talked on until she had to breathe, and while she did so, Emma remarked,

"Miss Fairfax has such an excellent handwriting, I quite envy her for it."

Harriet, meanwhile, thought of Mrs Charles again. Miss Bates definitely reminded her of Mrs Charles. Actually, she had to take care not to nod and say "Yes, Mrs Charles" now and then, as she had used to do when she had been with the Martins and Mrs Charles had been there to visit them.

Finally, Miss Bates got to the most important bit of the description of Miss Fairfax's letter.

"We never were so long without seeing her before, and as I was telling Mrs Cole, we shall hardly know how to make enough of her now."

"Are you expecting Miss Fairfax here soon," asked Emma, feigning interest.

"Oh, yes; next week."

"Indeed! That must be a very great pleasure."

"Thank you. You are very kind. Yes, next week. Everybody is so surprised, and everybody says the same obliging things. I am sure she will be as happy to see her friends at Highbury, as they can be to see her. Yes, Friday or Saturday, she cannot say which, because Colonel Campbell will be wanting the carriage himself one of those days. So very good of them to send her the whole way! But they always do, you know. Oh yes; Friday or Saturday next. That is what she writes about. That is the reason of her writing out of rule, as we call it, for, in the common course, we should not have heard from her before next Tuesday or Wednesday."

Miss Bates was talking on and on, and hardly ever pausing. Finally, Emma believed that she and Harriet had stayed long enough, and said,

"I am afraid we must be running away, my father will be expecting us." She rose, and cast a glance at Harriet.

"I had no intention, I thought I had no power of staying more than five minutes, when I first entered the house. I merely called, because I would not pass the door without inquiring after Mrs Bates, but I have been so pleasantly detained! Now, however, we must wish you and Mrs Bates good morning."

As soon as they had left the house, Emma drew a deep breath, and remarked, "At least she did not read the letter to us."

"But she did, did she not?"

"No, she only told us about the letter, but she did not read it."

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Shortly after Jane Fairfax had arrived in Highbury, Emma felt it to be her duty to invite her and her family to Hartfield. During that dinner party, Harriet had the chance to meet Jane and to have a good look at her.

Jane Fairfax was a very elegant young lady, pretty, and with pleasant manners. Harriet could not understand why Miss Woodhouse did not like her.

Perhaps it is because Miss Woodhouse and Jane Fairfax are of the same age. Perhaps everybody told her how pretty and accomplished Miss Fairfax is. That might be a reason.

Another thing struck Harriet as being remarkable about Miss Fairfax, and that was that she did not seem to be disposed to tell much about her acquaintance with Mr Churchill, Mr Weston's son. But she was not as indignant as Emma was about that.

This is strange. It seems as if she did not want to talk about that gentleman. Perhaps there has been some disagreement between the two? Like, let's say, between Mr Edward Mason and me? I would not like to talk about him if someone asked me. Not if I could help it.

All in all, Harriet felt inclined to be friends with Jane Fairfax, but as she knew that Miss Woodhouse would not approve of it, she kept this inclination to herself.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

After four weeks in London, George and Robert had returned to their homes. Being in town had done Robert good, just as his friend had predicted. He had been away from Abbey Mill Farm and everything that reminded him of Harriet, and George had taken pains to keep him occupied.

They hardly ever stayed at home if they could help it. It was like the days when they still had been boys; they had not spent so much time with each other for ages.

Now that Robert was at home again, he felt that he could finally face his life again, even if it was a life without Harriet Smith. And, even if he felt depressed now and then, he tried not to show it, but to be extremely lively instead.

I have worried them enough, he thought. Now it is time to go back to normal life.

His mother and sisters were very grateful towards George. He had proved to be a real friend to all the family, and had he not been already engaged to Catherine before, he would have secured her everlasting love by now. Seeing Robert so very much like himself again, after all those weeks of heartache, was enough to warm every heart.

One evening, when Robert entered the drawing room, Elizabeth came up to him.

"Rob, would you do me a favour?"

"Certainly, Liz. What can I do for you?"

"I need to go to Ford's tomorrow, and I wanted to ask you to go with me..."

"Well... I'd better go there with you, to keep you from running off with young Mr Ford."

"Rob!"

Robert laughed. "Come, Liz, I'm not serious. I think you are much too clever to run away with Mr Ford."

"Good."

"I'm sure you'd find yourself someone with a bit...more money? Or at least a better looking fellow ?" He grinned.

"Forget it, Rob, I don't have to go."

"I said I'd go with you, didn't I? Oh dear, you used to be able to take a joke. What's the matter with you?"

"Nothing," she snapped. "I just hate it if you make fun of me."

"I'm sorry, Liz." He stretched out his hand towards her. "Friends again?" He looked at her pleadingly, but his eyes were sparkling with mischief.

Elizabeth laughed. "Friends, brother. You know you have got eyes like a puppy dog, do you?"

"Is that a good thing for a gentleman to have?", he asked innocently.

"I am not sure, it depends on the use he is making of them."

"Which means?"

"You can get any woman to do whatever you want with eyes like these."

"Oh, god am I dangerous." He laughed. "Well, not really. When would you like to go to Highbury tomorrow?"

"I think we should set off early in the morning. Will that suit you?"

"Suits me, Liz. But will you do me a favour?"

"What, Rob?"

He looked at her in feigned despair. "PLEASE don't ask me to give my opinion on a dress! You know how I hate that!"

She laughed. "I won't."

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

When Harriet left Mrs Goddard's house, she looked at the sky. It did look as if it was going to rain soon.

"I'd better make haste," she said to herself. "I must try to reach Hartfield before it starts to rain."

Then she passed the cottage where a young woman was making a dress for her, and Harriet could not resist.

This will only take a few minutes, she thought. I want to see what the dress looks like. I cannot wait until the dress is finished.

So she went into the cottage, and had a look at her new dress, which was nearly finished, and had a lively chat with the woman who was sewing it for her.

She left the cottage, now determined not to lose another moment. The clouds were threatening already, and Harriet hurried up.

Then, the first drops of rain fell, and the rain was getting stronger.

Oh, no, it is raining! I shouldn't have stayed with Mrs Connors, now I will get all wet! Well, there is Ford's, I'll just step in there and wait, perhaps it will be over in a few minutes.

Harriet entered Ford's, the most fashionable shop in Highbury. She went over to the bales of cloth, thinking that as she was here already, she could as well have a look at the new patterns the Fords had to offer.

Then she heard the door open, and half turned around, curious to see who entered the shop. She was shocked to see Elizabeth Martin, and her brother.

Oh, how can I possibly avoid talking to them? I'd be so very much embarrassed if they came over to talk to me! Oh, please, do not see me, please!

Then Harriet noticed that Elizabeth Martin had seen her, but did not seem to be inclined to talk to her. Elizabeth had just given her a cold look, and had turned away. Mr Martin had not noticed her; he was busy with the umbrella. Harriet had the impression that Elizabeth wanted to avoid his seeing Harriet; she tried to attract his attention to some goods. But, for a short moment, he looked in her direction, nodded, and gave her a shy smile. Harriet felt her cheeks go hot, and turned back to her cloth, trying to calm herself down.

Robert went to his sister.

"Liz, have you seen who is here?"

"Of course I have, but why should I care?"

"Liz, please, she is one of your friends."

"Oh no, Robert, she used to be one of my friends, she is not any more. There are some things I will never forgive."

"What do you have to forgive her? She never did anything wrong to you, Liz. I think we have talked about that already, haven't we?"

"I hate her for what she did to you, Rob. I am not going to talk to her, whatever you say."

He looked at her earnestly. "Please, Liz."

"No! I won't!"

"Liz, if you don't want to talk to her, I cannot help it. But you would have given me the opportunity to talk to her, too, and that would have meant very much to me."

"Robert, this is blackmailing! I'll go and talk to her, but you owe me something. And stop looking at me with those puppy dog eyes!"

Robert smiled. "Those dangerous eyes are in action again, are they?"

Elizabeth just snorted furiously and went over to Harriet.

"How do you do, Harriet," she said, ready to shake hands, and trying to smile at her.

I don't want her to notice at once how much I dislike her now, she thought.

Harriet turned towards her, and took her hand. Her face was as white as a sheet, and she seemed to be embarrassed.

"I am very well, thank you, Elizabeth...... I...I hope you are fine, too,and.... and... all your family..."

"Thank you, we are all very well, indeed. It is such a shame that we do not meet so much any more, isn't it?"

Elizabeth looked at Harriet, who was hardly able to hold her purse in her hands because of her trembling so much. Suddenly she felt sorry for her. Perhaps this meeting was as disagreeable to Harriet as it was to her.

"It is a shame, yes, but, you know....how is your sister, Elizabeth?"

"She is very well, too, Harriet. She is going to marry Mr Mason by the end of this year."

"Oh, how wonderful for them. They are such a lovely couple, are they not?"

"They are."

By that time, Robert had reached them, and bowed to Harriet.

"Miss Smith, what a surprise to meet you here. How do you do?" He looked at her anxiously, while Harriet struggled hard to answer his question.

I have forgotten how friendly Mr Martin is. He seems to wish to make the situation more agreeable for me, he seems to know exactly how I am feeling at the moment...oh, those eyes...

"I have finally managed to read The Romance of the Forest, Miss Smith. It was a...very interesting book."

Harriet blushed, and hoped that the earth would open beneath her.

"I am ...glad you enjoyed it, Mr Martin." She looked out of the window, and saw that the rain had subsided. So she took courage and said, "It has stopped raining. I am....I am afraid I must go now. It was such a pleasure to see you both, give my regards to your mother and sister."

Then she turned away and left the shop as fast as possible, trying not to seem rude.

But she had not advanced three steps, when the door opened behind her and she heard Robert Martin say, "Miss Smith! Wait a moment!"

She turned towards him, feeling dreadfully, hoping that she could die right here at this spot.

"Mr Martin?"

"Are you going to Hartfield?"

"Yes, Mr Martin."

"Then you'd better go round by Mr Cole's stables, Miss Smith. The near way is quite floated by the rain."

Harriet smiled at him nervously. "Thank you, Mr Martin, I am very obliged to you."

Then she turned around and left, not knowing where she was or where she was going.

Robert stayed at the door until she had gone round the corner, and he could not see her any more. Then he re-entered the shop, and helped Elizabeth with her shopping.

Having had the chance to talk to Harriet had really helped him, and he did not know why, but he felt relieved. He had feared a meeting with Harriet, and now he saw that she had not changed that much.

Poor Harriet! She looked as scared as if the devil was running after her soul. Well, it must have been distressing for her, to see me, and to talk to me, after all that has happened. But she behaved very well, she really did. She seems to care a great deal about Elizabeth and Catherine. Well, perhaps I can persuade Elizabeth to get in contact with her again. I don't want their friendship to end just because of me. Certainly not.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

In the meantime, Harriet had reached Hartfield, and had told Emma Woodhouse about her meeting with the Martins.

"Oh, Miss Woodhouse, I would rather have done anything than have had it happen: and yet, you know, there was a sort of satisfaction in seeing him behave so pleasantly and kindly. And Elizabeth, too. Oh, Miss Woodhouse, do talk to me and make me comfortable again!"

She watched Emma anxiously, while she was obviously thinking of an answer.

"Well, Harriet," she said after a few moments, " it might be very distressing for the moment, but you seem to have behaved extremely well; and it is over -- and may never -- can never, as a first meeting, occur again, and therefore you need not think about it."

"Very true, I will not think about it, Miss Woodhouse," said Harriet. "But do you not think Mr Martin and his sister have behaved exceedingly well, too?"

"Oh yes, they certainly did. Well, Harriet, I have some news to tell you."

"Some news? Oh, what is it, Miss Woodhouse? Is it something pleasant?"

"I am afraid it is not, Harriet. It is something about Mr Elton."

"Mr Elton? Is something wrong with him?"

"I do not think there is something wrong with him. He will get married soon."

Harriet looked at her in disbelief. "Mr Elton is going to marry? Whom?"

"As far as I know, it is a certain Miss Hawkins. I do not know more about her, but I am sure we will soon hear everything about Miss Hawkins, Miss Bates will tell us, to be sure."

So this is the end of it, then. How could I suppose that he might still be interested in me, after Miss Woodhouse refusing him? Mr Elton is getting married!

Chapter 12

That evening, Robert tried to persuade his sister Elizabeth to go to Mrs Goddard's and to visit Harriet.

"No, Rob, you can ask me for everything, but I won't go to call on her. Didn't you see how she acted today?"

"There was nothing wrong with the way she behaved."

"Oh no? Well, I had a different impression. She was in such a hurry to get rid of us, it was obvious that she does not want to stay in contact with us!"

"Liz, she was embarrassed, and nervous. She wanted to get away from a situation that pained her. I had the impression that she cared very much for you, Liz. Her being anxious had nothing to do with you."

"Rob, read my lips. I am not going."

Perhaps Elizabeth would have succeeded, had not Catherine taken her brother's part.

"I think we should call on her, Liz. Rob is right, she is still our friend."

"You can speak for yourself as long as you wish, Cathy, but I cannot call her a friend any more. Not after all she has done to us."

Robert raised his eyebrows. "Liz, tell me just one thing she has done to you. One thing will do, and I won't ask you to visit her any more."

"She refused you, and she has made you miserable, Rob."

"But that has nothing to do with you, has it?" he said, knowing that he had caught her.

Catherine looked at her sister curiously. "Would you feel more comfortable if I went with you, Liz?"

"Why don't you go by yourself and leave me alone?" Elizabeth snapped.

"Because I know very well that Harriet has always liked you more than she liked me. She has always been doting on you. And she would much rather see you than me, Liz. That is why."

"Just give me some time to think about it, will you?"

Robert smiled. Whenever his sister said that she "would think about doing something", this meant that she would do it in the end.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

How can Rob want me to do that? Why does he want me to go and see Harriet? Does he still have hope? No, this cannot be, her letter has been too clear. She doesn't love him, and that means that he has no chance of ever succeeding with her. It is a waste of time to keep up that friendship, she doesn't really care for us any more, Miss Woodhouse is her friend now, and a much better one than we can ever be!

Wait a moment, Liz, perhaps this is it. You are jealous of Emma Woodhouse, that is the problem. Well, perhaps Rob and Cathy are right, and I ought to visit Harriet. I'll go, to show Rob that I care for him and his opinion. We will see what will come of it. If Harriet recommences our acquaintance then, everything is fine. If she doesn't, I won't have to blame myself.

I guess I'll go there, and if she is not at home, I will leave a letter for her. That will be enough. I'll leave the rest to Harriet.

These were the thoughts that occupied Elizabeth while she was lying in bed, trying to go to sleep. It seemed like a good plan -- going to Highbury, leaving the letter at Mrs Goddard's, inviting Harriet to see them, and leaving all the rest to her judgement. If Harriet still wished to be acquainted with her and Catherine, she would have the opportunity to visit them, and to renew the friendship. If she did not wish to do that, at least she and Catherine would know what to think of her. Even if her own opinion of Harriet was already settled. She did not really wish to see Harriet, but she did this for her brother's sake. She wanted to show him what sort of person Harriet was- that she did not care for them any more, because she had friends with more money and consequence than the Martins would ever have.

"Anyone can offend the likes of us, for the sake of others," she said to herself. "At least Harriet seems to think so. We will see. If she slights us again, she is not worth our notice any more."

Elizabeth decided to talk to Catherine about her plan.

I'm sure Cathy and I are of the same opinion in that matter. But Cathy is too big-hearted to see how we are treated. I will show her and Rob that I am right.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

The next morning, Elizabeth told Catherine about her plan and tried to convince her of its practicability. Of course, Catherine made some objections, mainly because she still felt very much for Harriet and did not want to accuse her falsely.

"I think Robert is right, Elizabeth. You think she wanted to get rid of you, and treated you badly, but I think it was because she was so upset about seeing you and Robert. Just imagine yourself in circumstances like hers. You have refused to marry a man, and this is the first time you see him after that. Wouldn't you feel anxious? Wouldn't you wish to get away as soon as possible, to get out of such a painful, embarrassing situation? I certainly would. You interpreted it as coldness towards you, but I think it was just her fear, and not knowing what to say, that made her act the way she did."

"Cathy, you always think the best of people, but sometimes they just do not deserve it. Harriet is completely taken in by Miss Woodhouse, and since that friendship has started, she believes that her acquaintance with us is beneath her. I wish I were wrong, though, and if Harriet comes to visit us after that letter, and talks to us and laughs with us as she used to do, I'll gladly admit that I have done her wrong, and will readily believe she is still caring as much for us as she used to do."

Now, Catherine had no more opposition to her plan, and agreed that it would be the best thing to do. She even helped Elizabeth to write her letter to Harriet, and promised to go with her the next day, to visit Harriet.

Robert, too, was delighted to hear that Elizabeth would go to Mrs Goddard's. She told him that she would go to Mrs Goddard's to see Harriet, and leave a letter for her if Harriet was not at home.

"But remember I am doing this for you, and for you only, brother. I take no pleasure in that visit."

He smiled at Elizabeth and said, "You will soon see that you have done her wrong, Liz. I'm sure she will be happy to see you, when I am not around. I think it was my presence that made her act a bit strangely."

Elizabeth went to her room to dress for a walk with Catherine, and sighed. She did not want to renew her friendship with Harriet, because she had enough reason to believe that Robert was still in love with her. And she did not want to have Harriet in their house again, because she knew that it would pain Robert too much to see Harriet, knowing that he would never have the chance to be happy with her. No, in her eyes it would be the best for them all if Harriet never came back to Abbey Mill Farm.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

The next morning, Harriet found a note from Elizabeth when she returned to Mrs Goddard's after her walk with Emma. She read it, and sighed. It was written in a very touching style, because even the reproaches Elizabeth used in this letter did not conceal the feeling of true friendship in her.

Dear Harriet,

I do feel very sorry for what has happened between you and my brother, but I do not wish to let this get between us as friends. Both my sister and I would be very glad if we could restore our friendship to what it used to be, and try to forget the things that are past now.

I came here this morning to call on you, but unfortunately you were not at home.

I know you have always been fascinated by Hartfield, and I am sure that Miss Woodhouse is pleasant company to be with, but do not forget the good times we had together. We would be very glad to welcome you at Abbey Mill Farm whenever you find it convenient to come.

Yours affectionately,

Elizabeth Martin

Harriet put the letter aside. "Oh, I wish I could go there," she sighed. "I would so much love to go and see Elizabeth, and Catherine, too! If I could only be sure that their brother is not around, I'd go and visit them tomorrow -- today, even! But I don't want to meet him. I dread to see him, and the way he is looking at me. It reminds me of what I have done, and I cannot stand it!"

Harriet knew that the visit had to be returned, though, and decided to speak to Miss Woodhouse on that subject.

I am sure she knows the proper thing to do, she thought.

Harriet asked Emma the next time she was in Hartfield, and Emma confirmed that it was the best thing to visit the Martins as soon as possible, to show them that their acquaintance was only a formal one.

She, herself, would bring Harriet to Abbey Mill Farm, and call for her so soon that there would be hardly enough time for either brother or sisters to talk much to her. Thus it was settled that Harriet would visit the Martins, some day the following week.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

But first, another thing of more importance happened: Mr Elton returned to Highbury, to prepare everything for the arrival of his bride.

Now, Harriet's curiosity was more than gratified, for everyone talked of Mr Elton's fiancee, and Harriet soon knew more about the future Mrs Elton than she cared to know.

Miss Augusta Hawkins was the younger of two sisters from Bristol, one of whom was already married. She seemed to be a very accomplished, elegant, and amiable lady, as far as everyone told Harriet, but of course nobody could really prove it, no one had ever seen her except Mr Elton. And it was only natural that he should praise his future wife by all means, was it not?

Miss Hawkins also seemed to be a rich young lady; the rumour was that her dowry was worth 10.000 pounds!

Of course, I could not offer half as much, Harriet thought. But I do wonder that he has found someone to replace Miss Woodhouse in his heart so fast! Having loved a Miss Woodhouse must turn any Miss Hawkins into a most undesirable partner, in my opinion. I do not think that Miss Hawkins is as pretty, or charming, or clever, as Miss Woodhouse is.

But Harriet felt that it was only her being in love with Mr Elton that made her feel this way. Had he fallen in love with her after being refused by Miss Woodhouse, she would not have minded at all...

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

On the very day of Mr Elton's departure to Bath, Harriet went to Hartfield because Emma wanted her to visit the Martins.

On her way there, she saw a trunk, directed to a certain Rev. Philip Elton, Bath, loaded onto a cart. This added to her misery. She was already afraid of that visit, hoping that everything would be fine, but also knowing that she might have to overcome some coldness and reserve on the Martins' part. She only hoped that Robert wouldn't be at home.

This would be so awkward! I don't know what I will do if he is there!

When they reached Abbey Mill Farm, and Harriet got out of the carriage, she looked around. Nothing had changed here, it was still the place she had loved so much last summer.

"I will go on to Donwell, and visit a former servant who is married there," Emma said. "I will call for you on my way back."

Harriet nodded and went towards the front door, afraid of her own feelings as well as of the meeting that was to take place in a minute.

Elizabeth looked out of the drawing room window. "Look who is coming," she said to her mother and sister.

Catherine joined her at the window. "It is Harriet! She is really coming to visit us. I knew you were wrong, Liz!"

Elizabeth was not convinced yet. "We will see, Cathy."

Robert rose and was about to leave the room, when Elizabeth asked him, "Where are you going? I thought you'd like to see her, too."

Robert shook his head. "I think it will be better if Miss Smith does not see me here. Remember the last time we met. I'll spare her the agitation of seeing me. Besides, she has come to visit you, not me."

Shortly after that, Harriet was shown into the drawing room and was looking at Mrs Martin and her daughters anxiously. She felt relieved that Robert was not there, but also a bit disappointed. She was sure of his good will towards her, but she was not sure if his family felt the same. Perhaps they were angry with her for refusing him? Certainly they were. Harriet remembered the look Elizabeth had given her when she had met her at Ford's. This look had said more than words could ever tell.

She was received rather coolly; only Catherine seemed to be determined to show her that nothing had changed her friendly feelings for her.

They talked about the most commonplace topics for a few minutes, the weather, and some mutual friends.

Suddenly, Mrs Martin remarked, "I do think you have grown since we have last seen you, Harriet."

"Do you think so, Mrs Martin? I cannot tell. Surely it cannot be much, or I would have noticed it."

"Oh, it is more than you think, Harriet. What do you say, Elizabeth?"

Elizabeth smiled. "We can find out very easily, Mother. Do you remember the evening when we were measured, shortly before you left us, Harriet?"

Harriet smiled. "Oh yes, I do, it was such a lovely evening, Elizabeth, I remember it very well. Mr Mason was here, I think."

"That is right, and my brother marked our height on the wainscot by the window. The marks are still there, you know. So, if you step over there, we will be able to see if you have grown or not."

Harriet did so, and seeing the marks on the wainscot gave her a very tender feeling. Everything had been so wonderful then...why could it not go on like this forever? The other ladies noticed her sad smile, and their hearts warmed towards her.

"It is so sad that we do not see each other so often any more, Harriet," said Catherine. "You must come and see us again more often."

"I shall be very glad to," was Harriet's answer.

At that moment, the door was opened and Bridget, the maid, told them that Miss Woodhouse was waiting outside, to take Miss Smith with her.

Elizabeth's face darkened when she heard Miss Woodhouse's name, and said, "Well, in that case, we will not keep her waiting for long. It was very nice of you to sacrifice some of your precious time and to visit us, Harriet. I hope we shall see each other soon." Harriet looked at her in horror. Elizabeth looked and sounded very familiar to her at that moment...

Catherine was shocked because of the cold manner in which her sister was talking to Harriet. After Harriet had taken leave of Mrs Martin, she therefore accompanied her to the front door, to show her that her visit had been welcome and gratefully accepted by her.

"Harriet, I am very happy that you came to see us. I am sure my brother will be disappointed not to have seen you, but he was too busy with his work, you know. Do take care of yourself, will you? I'd love to hear from you again. Good bye, Harriet." With these words, she shook Harriet's hand and watched her walk away. Then she went back to the drawing room.

"How could you treat her this way, Liz? What has she done?"

"Cathy, that was obvious! She has spent a whole summer with us, and now she does not even think us to be worth a visit that lasts more than a quarter of an hour! For me, this is more than clear. She does not want to have anything to do with us."

Catherine sighed. Maybe Elizabeth was right. But she still hoped her to be wrong.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Harriet felt extremely miserable on her way home. She knew that she had hurt the Martins' feelings, and railed against her own weakness. She should not have listened to Miss Woodhouse, she should have found some other means of getting to Abbey Mill Farm, and she ought to have spent more time there. It was just beginning to be so pleasant, when the maid had come in, and from one moment to the next, their growing feeling for each other had been destroyed again.

They will never want to see me again! I have never seen Elizabeth like this before; she was so much like her brother when he is angry. A very calm voice, cold as ice, and eyes like steel. I'd hate to get in his way if he is in such a mood. And his sister is just like him.

Emma tried her best to calm her down, and decided that they should go to Randalls. Mrs Weston was such a lovely, well-meaning woman, she would bring Harriet to her senses again, there was no doubt of that.

When they arrived at Randalls, however, they were told that Mr and Mrs Weston had gone out to visit Hartfield.

"This is too bad," cried Emma. "And now we shall just miss them; too provoking! I do not know when I have been so disappointed!"

Then she leaned into the corner of the carriage, murmuring to herself, and Harriet was left to her own thoughts.

Suddenly, the carriage stopped, and on looking out of the window they saw Mr and Mrs Weston, who wanted to talk to them. They had interesting news.

Mr Churchill, Mr Weston's son, was to arrive the next day! Her curiosity to meet Mr Churchill soon drove Harriet's miserable thoughts away, and she looked forward to an addition to Highbury society.

I hope he is a pleasant gentleman. Miss Fairfax seems to like him, so I guess he is amiable. But we'll see. Perhaps he will fall in love with Miss Woodhouse? Would that not be a good scheme?

************

Continued in Part 3

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